Oh No They Didn't
by TeamEdward14
Summary: Bella wakes up on her honeymoon to find someone she doesn't expect...hilarity ensues when the whole gang joins in! My first fanfic. Set during Breaking Dawn. I don't own anything! Lots of ExB fluff, follows the Breaking Dawn storyline.
1. He did WHAT

To: Alyssa Johnson, my best friend in the world!

Key:  
**A/N=author's note**

_Italics_=thoughts

Underlined=Text messages/conversations

POV=point of view

Summary: Bella wakes up on her honeymoon to see someone she doesn't expect…dun dun duh! (Set during breaking dawn, before she starts throwing up).

This is supposed to be funny, not serious. Just so you know.

Oh No He Didn't

Bella POV

I rolled over, still groggy from sleep. This alone should've surprised me; I shouldn't be able to roll over without Edward being there. I sat up, frowning. The clock read_ 10:17_ in green neon letters.

Sun shone through the fancy French windows, and I blinked, raising my arm to my face to save my vision.

And that was when I saw….._him_.

I screeched and toppled off the bed, taking the blue silk sheet with me. That's what you get for surprising a klutz. I was going to have bruises.

"MIKE!!! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!"

Mike Newton's baby face stared back at me with confused eyes.

"Emmett told me to come here. He said you wanted to see me." What an idiot.

_Emmett McCarty Cullen you are so dead._ I thought to myself, emphasizing each menacing syllable.

"WHAT." I shouted. The Newton kid's eyes widened and I booked it to bathroom, realizing that I hadn't changed out of the purple lacey nightgown Alice gave me.

Alice is now second on the list-of-people-to-kill-once-I'm-a-newborn list.

"Bella! Wait! Emmett said—"Mike started.

I cut him off. "Forget what that IDIOT said!" I screeched back. "You came HERE when I was on my HONEYMOON with EDWARD!!"

I was beyond mad now. Emmett was going to GET IT.

I stared at my face in the mirror. I looked absolutely livid. Good thing Jasper wasn't here. Wait, scratch that. A vampire would be very useful right now. Especially mine. Where is Edward?? The perfectly polished marble counters were cluttered with all my annoying "human moment" things. I can't wait until don't have to worry about that anymore. Now all I needed to find was that cell phone Edward made me buy…

And something to throw at Newton.

Even Jessica Stanley wouldn't have been so stupid as to come all the way to South America just because Emmett told her to interrupt my honeymoon.

Ok, so I wouldn't put it past Jessica either.

I growled unimpressively as I searched through the little blue bag Alice packed me.

Crap. My suitcase was out in the blue room. I could hear Mike knocking on the bathroom door. How did he even find Isle Esme anyway?? Oh, that's right. Emmett probably gave him a detailed description of how to get here. And when he couldn't comprehend that, he would've made him a map.

Wonderful.

"Just go away Mike. _Please_." I said in a strained voice, pinching the bridge of my nose, a habit I picked up from Edward.

Speaking of my amazing, perfect, _late_ husband…where is he? Hunting?

Success! After a few minutes of annoying knocks and frustrated glares, I found the little silver phone.

"Bella!" Mike yelled through the door.

"What!!" I yelled.

"Um…you looked really hot in that nightgown." Mike stuttered.

"GO AWAY!!"

_He was so going to get it now._ I thought, grinning evilly to myself as I dialed Edward's cell.

"Hello, love. What's wrong?" I could practically see Edward's smile through the phone.

"Edward" I breathed into the phone happily.

"Where are you?"

"Sorry love, I was out hunting for a bit. Are you all right?"

"Well…you're brother won't be. You won't BELIEVE the prank Emmett came up with."

"Prank??" Mikes whiny voice came from outside the door.

"Yes, Newton a PRANK. Emmett sent you all the way across the world just to annoy me!! And guess what it WORKED. Go be gay somewhere else!!" I yelled. **(A/N: hehe. Gay Newton. Remember that, Alyssa?)**

"Bella? Did you just say _Mike Newton_ is there?" Edwards's dark velvet voice spoke menacingly through the phone.

"Yes. When will you be back?"

"Now." There was a click, and the line went dead.

I smiled at myself, satisfied. _Well, while I'm at it, I might as well send a threatening text to my soon-to-be-dead-brother-in-law._

This was going to be fun. I flipped open the tiny phone and starting typing furiously.

Me: EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN IF YOU WEREN'T DEAD ALREADY I WOULD FLY BACK TO FORKS RIGHT NOW AND KILL YOU MYSELF!!

Not even a few seconds later, the phone buzzed.

Emmett: So, I see you got my surprise wedding gift. Congrats on losing your virginity Bella! By the way, send me pictures of Edward's face when he sees the videos I'm taping as we speak.

This message made me freeze on the bathroom floor. Oh no. No, no, no, no. NO. Emmett is NOT here. No way.

"EDWARD!!" I screamed.

I heard some bashing around in the blue room and Mike's girlish shriek before Edward came bursting through the bathroom door.

"Bella!" Edward said, running at vampire speed so he was at my side in less than a second.  
"Edward…" I said in a shaky voice and wide, terrified eyes, showing him the text Emmett sent me.

My breath hitched in my throat when I caught sight of his perfect face. And suddenly, all I wanted was to kiss him. More than ever. Edward looked upward and growled.

My eyes widened when I took in my brother-in-law hanging off the ceiling in a Spider man pose silently laughing his head off. _With a video camera._

"JASPER!!" Edward and I yelled in unison.

So _that_ was where that lust was coming from.

Edward POV

Just a couple hours out of the house and my love had already attracted two prank-loving vampires and one very lusty human. She truly was a danger magnet. And all mine.

I felt a growl build up in my chest as I saw my brother hanging from the ceiling in the corner of the shower shaking with laughter. Through his mind I could see the reflection of my face. I was mad. Very, very mad.

Reluctantly untangling Bella's arms from around me, I lunged at Jasper. But just as I was about to do so, Emmett appeared from behind the half-closed shower curtain and tackled me to the floor.

"DON'T!" Emmett screeched. "ESME WILL KILLUS IF WE RUIN HER FURNITURE!"

From my position on the ground I could see Bella blushing five different shades of red, obviously remembering the headboard in the other room. And the feathers that have yet to be cleaned up in the white room.

"Um…" Bella looked down timidly.

Jasper and Emmett just raised an eyebrow. Taking advantage of their shock, I threw Emmett off me proceeded to tackle Jasper to the ground.

"GUYS STOP!" I heard Bella's sweet voice behind me.

_She's right Eddiekins. Wouldn't want to damage the shower too much, would we? You guys might want to use that later._ Emmett thought to me.

"Shut UP Emmett!" I snarled fiercly. "And DON'T. CALL. ME. EDDIE."

Jasper and Bella just looked at me with quizzical eyes while Emmett just shook the house with silent laughter. And of course, that _Newton_ kid walked in just at the right time. Emmett was shaking on the floor like a 6 year old kid throwing a temper tantrum, Jasper and I were frozen in a mid-tackle, my arm around his neck, his around my legs trying to knock them from under me, and then Bella. Poor, poor Bella. Bella was red-faced on the ground with the cell phone still in her hand and wearing that purple nightgown I love to see her in. Newton, however, did not need to see her in that.

Although, his face was priceless. Newton looked like a little kid who just walked in on his parents.

Out of nowhere, Emmett whipped out a camera and snapped a picture of his face.

"KODAK MOMENT!" he yelled.

Even I couldn't help laughing then. All of us fell over on the floor, clutching our sides and, if it were possible, tears would be streaming down our cheeks. Maybe it was Jasper's fault, but I was laughing too hard to do anything about it. Bella actually _was_ crying from laughing so hard.

Mike blushed even brighter than Bella, which made us all fall over on the floor again.

"Dude…you're more red than Bella that one time we—"

"EMMETT!!!" Bella screeched, snapping out of her laughing fit. She was probably refusing to remember the prank week that left her with several injuries.

_Dude, I'll bet you anything she's remembering the prank week…_Jasper's voice echoed in my head.

I bit my lip (a habit I picked up from Bella) in trying not to laugh.

As soon as it started, the laughing fit ended. Newton was still standing shocked in the doorway, Bella was still red-faced on the ground. The only difference was that Emmett and Jasper were crouched low in a mock-hunting position while I moved to stand in front of Bella in a protective stance.

Just then, Newton ran out the door yelling "AHHH! The gummy bears are chasing me!!"

Two minutes ago this would've started a new laughing fit, but at the moment I was too enraged to care.

"Care to explain what you're doing here?" I asked my two brothers in a strained voice.

"Well, we had _hoped_ to walk in on you guys with the video camera here—" Emmett started.

I growled.

"But Alice told us not to, because however HILARIOUS that was going to be, she actually had a vision of you ripping us to shreds and scattering pieces of us all over the ocean." Jasper finished for him.

"As if little Eddie here would be able to." Emmett snorted.

I raised an eyebrow.

"But seriously guys, let's take this outside. Little Newt there ran off, so no one will be around to see us sparkle. Plus, a mad Esme is extremely terrifying." Jasper stated.

BPOV

A wide grin stretched over my face. I get to see Edward sparkle again! Hopefully he'll take his shirt off…Jasper looked past Edward and raised an eyebrow at me, sensing my excitement.

Crap.

And of course, I blushed. Jasper and Emmett raced outside to get a head start on Edward, leaving Edward and I in a bathroom. Alone. Right after Jasper decides to send waves of lust through the house. And Emmett's running around with a video camera (while we're supposed to be on our honeymoon).

Stupid, annoying, pranking vampires.


	2. Shirts, Bandanas, and Coconuts

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I promise! If I did, there would be no such thing as Jacob Black.**

**So, I didn't intend to make this a one-shot when I wrote the first chapter, but if you guys like it I'll keep going.**

**Oh yeah…and about the whole "gummy bears" thing, let me know if you liked it. Cuz I really don't know where that came from. Ideas for the next few chapters would be much appreciated!**

**Read on!**

BPOV

I sat in shock on the cold bathroom floor, too humiliated to do anything else.

"Bella! Bella, can you hear me?" Edward's frantic voice snapped me out of my trance.

"Oh!" I squeaked, and practically threw myself at him in my haste to forget that my brother-in-laws _weren't_ running around the island while I was wearing a skimpy nightgown in my husband's arms.

"Are you alright, love?" his smooth voice whispered in my ear, causing me to completely lose any ability to breathe.

"Now." I whispered, burying my head in his chest."Can't we just forget that ever happened and we can go kill Emmett and Jasper now?" I breathed into him.

"As appealing as that sounds, I don't think I'm going to let you leave my arms for a while." He chuckled.

"Sounds good to me."

I sighed and hugged myself to his stone cold chest, breathing in his delicious scent. I tilted my head upward, silently begging him to kiss me. His icy hand went right to my cheek, and he leaned toward me ever so slowly. I was almost shaking with anticipation, I wanted him so bad at that moment it seemed surreal.

"Bella…" he whispered. "Bella, love, I'm sorry, but Emmett's practically screaming at me through his head. And Jasper's not helping the situation much either. My self-control is practically in shreds already, and unless you want Emmett to make a Home Movies: Explicit version, I need to go fight this out with my brothers."

I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder, perfectly content.

"Er…Bella?"

"Hmmmm?"

"You really should get dressed first."

I squealed and buried my face deeper into his chest, tugging on his shirt. My face was turning dark crimson as I realized the very inappropriate for company nightgown I was _still_ wearing. Oh, joy.

"Edward…" I groaned.

"Yes, Bella?"

My face got even hotter. "Was I in the tape much?" I asked a barely audible voice.

"Well…"

I groaned again, willing myself to disappear. Well, more likely, disappear with Edward. Even on our _honeymoon_ we couldn't get enough time to ourselves.

I sighed and got up from the bathroom floor, dragging the silk blue sheet with me. If I strained my ears enough, I could hear Edward's footsteps behind me. Upon entering the bright, sun illuminated room; my arm went to my face once again. In a flash the curtains were closed, and cool arms wrapped around my waist.

"Better?" Edward breathed against my neck.

"Mmmmmm…" I sighed, leaning back into his cold embrace.

"If you're ever going to get dressed, the time would be now." Edward reminded me.

Dang it. Lost my common sense again. Darn those dazzling skills of his. I went over to my suitcase, preparing to pick out a suitable pair of shorts and a tank top, when an idea hit me.

"Edward?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"Can I…can I wear one of your shirts?" I said peeking behind my hair.

"Sure, love." He was grinning from ear to ear, a smile so wide I had trouble with the reasoning that he was not a cartoon. A gorgeous cartoon…

My mind snapped back into focus when he started unbuttoning his blue cotton shirt. My breath hitched in my throat and I thought I would faint. The sight of his perfect marble chest glimmering in the few rays of sunlight that managed to escape the heavy curtains sent my heart into overdrive. He handed the shirt to me in a matter of seconds, still grinning uncontrollably and not oblivious to the pounding of my heart. I heard Emmett's booming laugh outside, obviously also aware of the fact that my heart was beating so furiously it probably sounded like I was having a heart attack.

Edward's head whipped to the side, and a furious expression replaced the one of complete joy.

"I'll be back." He said in his deadly velvet voice, and slipped out of the window silently. I heard a thud just outside and smiled smugly to myself.

I ruffled through my neatly packed clothes (courtesy of Alice) and found a pair of fairly normal denim shorts, a white tank top, and surprisingly modest white underwear set (courtesy of Esme?). I pulled on the underwear, shorts, and tank top. Over the top I slipped on Edward's long sleeved blue shirt.

Cautiously, so I wouldn't disturb the vampire war going on the white sandy beach, I slipped out of the fancy French doors and into the comfortable heat. The scene in front of me caused my jaw to fall to the ground.

A sparkly, shirtless, GORGEOUS Edward was wrestling with my bear-like brother Emmett. Edward was holding Emmett upside down by his ankles with one hand, shaking him like a rag doll while Emmett was throwing another temper tantrum of laughter. Jasper was up in a coconut tree with a Confederate wrapped around his head reciting 'The Yellow Rose of Texas' as he marched up and down the branch.

"WHAT is going on here??" I squeaked in an inhumanly high voice. All three vampire heads snapped upwards when they saw me. Why do their vampire senses fail them now of ALL times??

"Edward!" I yelled, running to him and throwing my arms around him with unnecessary force. He dropped Emmett straight on his head and wrapped his arms around me.

"EMMETT!! You are SO lucky I'm not a newborn yet! When I am you're going to be in BIG TROUBLE!!" I screeched, burying my face into Edward's chest.

"AND YOU!" I yelled, pointing a finger at my blonde brother-in-law who was frozen in the middle of a marching stance, the bandana still wrapped around his head. A coconut fell straight onto his head, but, with him being a vampire and all, it cracked straight down the middle, leaking coconut milk all over his blonde hair.

"Oh. No." I heard Edward whisper behind me.

"What?" I whispered back, confused. I've only seen Edward this terrified once before. The Volturi face-off.

And just then, a cell phone rang, shrill and demanding. Jasper froze, his eyes locked on the silver cell phone he pulled out of his shirt pocket.

"Alice."

**Well, there you go! Kind of a short one, I know. But I'm on a tight schedule, what with homework and the holidays, and stupid gym teachers. Need I say more? Please review, I want to know what you think! Any ideas for later chapters would be much appreciated. Love you all!**

**-TeamEdward14**


	3. This isn't my shirt!

**You guys are the BEST! I posted the 2****nd**** chapter last night and got at least 10 favorite story/author adds! I really hate it when authors won't post the chapter until they get a certain number of reviews, so I won't do that to you guys. I love you too much. However, reviews are always amazing! I'd love to see ideas for later chapters, so if you can that'd be great! Keep it up!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

EPOV

My eyes locked on the seemingly harmless silver phone Jasper was staring at. My arms locked around my warm Bella protectively. Alice was calling, while Jasper's hair was ruined with coconut milk.

What are the odds?

"Jasper, pick it up!" I snarled. None of us wanted Alice to wreak her havoc on _all_ of us. Well. I can include Emmett in there somehow.

"Edward, what's going on?" Bella whispered to me, leaning her head on my chest.

"Alice is calling."

"So?"

"Do you _see_ Jasper's hair?"

And to this my Bella had nothing to say at all. She simply wrapped her warm arms around my neck and held on for dear life, her face paling by the second.

Jasper gulped loudly and shakily raised the phone to his ear.

"H-hello?"

"JASPER WHITLOCK HALE CULLEN!!!!" Alice's voice screamed so loud out of the phone that even Bella covered her ears.

_Is this on speaker? What the—_

"JASPER!!! ANSWER ME OR YOU WON'T GET ANY FOR A MONTH!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? A _MONTH!!"_

"Alice, honey I'm SORRY—"

"Don't you Alice honey me!! WHO GOT COCONUT MILK IN YOUR HAIR???"

"It was Edward!"

"WHAT??" I yelled.

_Sorry bro. You should've just let us make fun of you. That video just isn't going to suffice in Emmett and I's collection of embarrassing Edward moments! Come on, its classic!_

"Alice wait, NO it wasn't me—"

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN!!"

"ALICE—"

"I'M COMING DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!"

And then the line went dead.

"That's what she said!!" Emmett yelled.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH!!"

Removing Bella's chokehold from around my neck, (once again, reluctantly. Why does this always happen?) I pushed her behind me protectively and lunged for my condemned brother.

BPOV

"Edward!" I screamed, clutching onto his ice cold arm. It felt good on my overheated skin.

But in an instant he was gone. I stared as Edward tackled Jasper to the ground, moving so fast I almost couldn't see them. Earth-shattering cracks could be heard, and as they pounded against my eardrums I shrieked, covering my ears and practically diving into the white sand.

_Shoot! This isn't my shirt. _

I'm really grateful Emmett's not the one that can read minds.

And then I froze where I stood, pulling Edward's blue shirt closer around me, breathing in his scent.

_Calm down. Calm down. Just because Edward's off fighting Jasper to the death while you're lying in the sand in Edward's shirt doesn't mean Emmett's smart enough to notice that…_

Crap.

The odds are always against us, so naturally Emmett's going to get smart for about two seconds. Wait for it….

3…

2…

1…

"BELLA!" I heard Edward's sweet voice yell at me from across the beach.

I squealed, wrenching upright, covering me in white sand. Crap! This isn't my shirt!!

I whipped my head around, sending more sand flying in all directions. The last thing I saw was Edward's horrified face, mid-tangle with Jasper.

My eyes widened. There are only a few things Edward would look so horrified about.

The Volturi are about to kill me.

Alice is about to kidnap me for a Bella Barbie day. (or "Edward is about to lose me for a day")

Emmett is pulling some sort of prank that will make me wish I was never born.

Emmett broke some of Esme's furniture wrestling again and blamed it on him/me.

Jasper is manipulating his emotions (under Emmett's command of course)

Emmett is about to walk in on us.

Emmett spread another rumor about Edward being gay.

This is a surprisingly long list...I think I'll stop here. But anyway, we can cross of number 1, there's no official rule against a human-vampire relationship (until Alice gets her revenge). And number 2, there's no way Alice can get here that fast, even under the motivation of Jasper's hair. Also number 4, we kind of DID break the furniture this time. Also number six and seven. So that leaves numbers 5 and 3. I just realized that Emmett is in 5 out of 7 reasons so far. That's only a C-, so I'm not done with the list yet! This could be ANYTHING, but I'm too scared to look!

"Edward…" I breathed heavily.

I saw Edward slam his elbow into Jasper's chest, throwing him back into the coconut tree. The tree shook violently, but all I could see was the wind rushing past me and cold arms around my waist. Something was wrong…Edward NEVER carried me like a football.

"EDWARD!" I screeched again. "EMMETT LET ME DOWN OR SO HELP ME I'LL—"

"You'll do what, little sis?" I heard his booming laugh echo around the jungle.

And then the wind stopped.

"Emmett!!! Put me down THIS INSTANT!!"

"Okay, _Mom."_

I let out a painful breath.

_Don't kill Emmett; you'd end up killing yourself in the act anyway. Rosalie wouldn't be happy with you. Okay that's all I've got. Someone give me more reasons not to kill my big brother._

I seem to be talking to myself too much lately.

"Emmett…where are we." I stated simply, too fed up to even make it _sound_ like a question.

And then I opened my eyes.

I could see the entire island from here…where were we??

"Ouch!" I stood up abruptly, shaking my hand out.

"What is it?" Emmett asked.

"Ow…splinter."

Whoa, hold up. Splinter? Oh no.

"Emmett!!! I'm not good with heights!! Now tell me this. WHY ARE WE ON THE ROOF!?"

Emmett fell over on top of the house, making it shake with his insane laughter.

"EMMETT!"

"Oh-oh-oh-kay! Hahahahaha! We're on the roof b-because…oh, this is priceless! This is the last place little Eddie would look!"

Emmett has lost his mind.

Understatement of the century.

"Emmett! I'm going to jump!" I yelled over my shoulder and poised myself on the edge, shaking my arms out as if I was an Olympic swimmer getting ready for a dive.

"Oh no you're not!"

"Hey! This isn't my shirt anyway!" I yelled as I felt cool arms around my waist.

Oh crap. Did I really just say that out loud?

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

I groaned and laid down in fetal position on the scratchy roof. Well I was going to prove Edward wrong. I can too act.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, tightening my grip on Edward's shirt and breathing in his scent.

"Emmett…" I moaned pathetically. "Where's Edward?"  
Emmett's teddy bear face appeared in front of me at once, his head propped up on his hand.

"I want Edward." I said, pulling out my best puppy dog face, even letting a few tears slip out.

Emmett's grin suddenly turned into a very worried teddy bear face.

"Bella, no fair!"

"What?" I asked innocently, tears slipping down my face.

"Emmett…take me to Edward." I said, curling up closer into my fetal position.

I heard a loud, dragged out dramatic sigh behind me, some more trees coming down below us, and the wind rushing past me once again.

I made show of my pathetic without-Edward position, curling into Emmett's side and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Sheesh, Bella, get a grip."

"Shut up…" I mumbled and sniffed.

The sad part is, my so called "acting" isn't too far from the truth. This really _is_ my without-Edward position.

"Bella!!" I heard Edward's beautiful soft voice calling me from a few feet away. I could see the spot where I had sat in the sand only a few minutes ago. I could see the white hot sun reflecting against the bright blue ocean. But most of all I could see Edward's perfect face.

"Edward!!" I yelled, struggling against Emmett's iron hold.

"Emmett! Let me GO!" I said, scrambling to reach Edward.

Any second now he was going to come rushing towards me, and Emmett would be gone.

"Not so fast."

A very recognizable voice stopped me short, chilling me straight to the bone. A feminine figure emerged from the jungle behind us; with a smile so evil she made my chilled bones become ice through and through.

"Rosalie."


	4. A New Rosalie, a New Alice

**Ok I just want to say I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO sorry that I didn't get this updated until now!! The holidays REALLY set me back. Plus, I lost the original copy of this chapter so I had to rewrite it. I promise I'll try to update sooner. In the meantime, I've got some questions for you guys. **

**Should I bring Carlisle and Esme in? I was thinking of doing a sub-story later, maybe a one-shot (maybe not) of the siblings' punishments (I think I will have fun with this. :D) But I'm not sure if I'm going to do that yet. If I do, credit for idea goes to one of my reviewers (I deleted the email sorry I can't use your name).**

**Should I bring Jacob/the wolves in? That wouldn't have a problem with the treaty I don't **_**think.**_

**Any ideas for a crazy/fun ending?**

**What POV do you guys prefer? Should I stick with Bella and occasionally Edward?**

**Anyway, sorry again. I don't own anything, so enjoy!**

BPOV

I felt angry tears well up in my eyes. Wiping them away quickly with the side of my shoulder, I proceeded to glare a hole into Emmett's eyes with my own.

"What do you want Rosalie." I huffed angrily; still glaring at Emmett like there was no tomorrow. _Hmmmm._ I mused._ Anger with my brothers really makes me lose all common sense or self preservation. I hope Jasper gets a whiff of this._

Just as promised, when I glanced to the right Jasper's hands and jaw were clenched tight, and he was shaking with rage.

I grinned evilly.

"Alice sent me down here to settle something about Jasper's—"

And then Rosalie stood completely still, eyes practically bugging out of her sockets when she saw Jasper's hair. Soaked through with coconut milk, matted and smeared in with dirt, it was barely recognizable.

"Alice is going to KILL you." Rosalie smirked.

"And you're not?" I stared at my beautiful sister-in-law with an expression of pure hope and on the edge of serious relief.

She snorted delicately. "As if. This whole thing is ridiculous. The only reason Alice isn't here yet is because there was some sale on Juicy Couture purses. Which I didn't get to go to because I was forced down here. Come on Emmett, let's go."

A huge grin spread across my face.

"Rosalie thank you thank you THANK YOU! Get Emmett out of here! Take Jasper with you while you're at it!" I blubbered, almost crying with pleasure.

I will be forever grateful to her for this.

"Emmett, listen to your wife and PUT ME DOWN." I said, smirking just as smugly as Rosalie had.

"Awww, baby come on…We were just having fun. You said yourself you thought crashing their honeymoon would be funny!" Emmett whined, pulling out his puppy dog face that Rose usually fell for.

"Don't try that with me, Emmett McCarty Cullen! You're done playing keep away with Bella and that's final! Another word and you won't get any for a week!! Return Bella to Edward!"

Emmett's head lowered in mock shame. Pouting, he stuck his bottom lip out just a little.

I saw a flash of indecision in her topaz eyes, but her firm expression didn't change.

"Come on Emmett. Return Bella to the ground."

I've never loved Rosalie so much in my entire life.

Edward, who'd been silent this entire time, was in front of me in a flash, staring Emmett down with his jaws and fists clenched. If he were holding me right now, I'm sure he would've crushed me like a twig. That is, if he didn't have so much self-control.

Did I mention he was shirtless and sparkly? I think I'm going to have a heart attack. His tousled bronze hair had dirt in it from wrestling with Jasper, but that just added to his charm. The planes of his perfect icy chest sparkled like diamonds, throwing rainbows all over the blinding white sand. Combined with the rest of the Cullens, the ground was covered in a million rainbow sequins.

None compared to Edward. But staring at him just wasn't enough. Having him so close and not being able to reach him just made me want him all the more. I bit my lip painfully, and tears welled up in my eyes once again. The friction between us was too much for me to take, and I slumped down and sat on the ground, Emmett's hands still tying my wrists together.

I let a light sob out, and a tear streaked down my cheek.

The world was blurry above me, and I felt an ice cold hand push me gently into the white sand. I gasped, the feeling of the hot sand on my bare legs felt…unusual. It wasn't what I wanted. I realized then that warm was not what I wanted.

I whirled my head around to see a blur of bodies. I could make out Edward of course, who I could see kicking some big blurry shape into the ground—I squinted and identified an Emmett-sized hole in the ground. A smaller shape rushed toward Emmett, obviously Rose. Emmett yelled and took off in the other direction with Rose yelling "Every step you take doubles it Emmett! That's two months!!" and Emmett screaming with an unusually feminine tone.

I lay in the sand breathing heavily, my mahogany hair splayed around my head.

Edward appeared beside me out of nowhere. Kneeling over me, he took one of my hands in his own.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

His soft velvet voice brought memories flushing through my mind. The world was suddenly much clearer.

"Edward!" I yelled, throwing myself at him, and successfully knocking us both to the ground so I was on top of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, marveling at the coolness of his skin. Burying my face in his neck, I breathed in his scent. I couldn't even begin to explain how good it felt to be his arms again. My heart was so full of love for him at this moment that it felt like it would burst.

He laughed, and the sound was a symphony in my ear.

"Hi, there." He whispered in my ear, wrapping his cool arms around my waist. I tightened my strangle-hold around his neck.

"Mmmm." I breathed, content to stay in his arms forever. I could lay here, never moving, for all eternity. I plan to do that one day. His cool skin on mine and the heat of the sun was the perfect combination. I snuggled into his neck, and he traced patterns on my back.

The perfect moment was shattered when a very familiar, tiny form rushed into the clearing. Both of our heads jerked upward in sync. I could feel Edward tense up under me, and a beautiful snarl appeared on his perfect features.

The world blurred again, and in a split second I was standing behind Edward, and he took yet another protective stance in front of me.

Someone bite me please!

I shoved the thought aside and focused on the menacing vampire only a few feet away. Alice's jet black spiky hair shone in the sun. Her outfit matched her mood nicely. Just as expected, Alice dressed up for the occasion. She looked like the Baroness from G.I. Joe, covered in skin tight black leather, high heeled boots, and cleavage. However, she made a much more radiant and frightening character. The glare that was plastered on her face was the single most menacing thing I'd ever seen. (Well, maybe besides that one look Emmett and Jasper gave me right before the prank week…) Edward returned her glare with a fierce snarl.

"Alice."Edward's alluring voice sounded exactly like it had just before he killed Riley. I shuddered at the memory.

"It's not us you want, Alice." I loved it when he spoke of us together. It made him more mine.

"Why should I believe you?" Alice's graceful voice was almost as angelic as Edward's. Dang, she was good at this.

"Because Emmett and Jasper are the ones who came down here to crash our honeymoon. Why would I mess this up on purpose? You know this. You're the one who warned them."

Alice said nothing, just pulled out light sabers, a crossbow, machine gun, sword, throwing stars, and pulse guns out of various places in her outfit.

I stared with unbelieving eyes. She really _has_ gone insane. Doesn't she know those weapons won't hurt vampires? I was the only human here, and she wasn't after me…yet.

My face paled, the color draining in a single swipe.

In a blur, Alice was gone, leaving nothing but a swaying breeze behind her.

I let out a painful breath and collapsed into Edward's outstretched arms. Again he held me, stroking my hair and whispering in my ear. I resumed my chokehold around his neck.

"Edward?" I murmured.

"Yes, love?"

My stomach growled and I blushed, of course.

Edward just laughed and scooped me up, flying through the house to the kitchen, where he set me down on a comfortable chair in front of the island that occupied the middle of the kitchen. He placed a light kiss on my forehead and assumed his place at the stove.

"Eggs?" he asked as-a-matter-of-factly.

"As always." I smiled timidly, tipping my head down slightly and pushing my long dark chocolate hair behind my ear.

He grinned at me and began cooking at vampire speed.

There wasn't much he could do to heat up the frying pan quicker, so he scooted a chair next to mine and draped an arm lightly across my shoulders.

"Does this mean we're alone now?" I asked, leaning my head onto his chest.

"For the moment."

I pouted.

Edward chuckled lightly. "Sorry, love. There are four of them now. Unless we include Rosalie on our side, which is hard to tell, we're going to have to wait until I can drive them off the face of the earth."

"How long is that supposed to take?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"How long Emmett plans to be chased around the island."

I laughed and snuggled closer into his stone chest.

The timer beeped, and in less than a second there was a plate of eggs in front of me, complete with a fork and orange juice.

I grinned at my love and began to devour the plate of steaming hot eggs.

When I was done, I pushed the plate away. The dishes were clean and put away before I could even blink. I grinned. I love my vampire husband.

"Are they still occupied?" I whispered, glancing around and inching myself toward him just in case a vampire might be lurking somewhere.

"So far." He chuckled again.

"Good."

I wrapped my arms around his cold neck and tilted my head up invitingly. He grinned and one hand found its way to the back of my neck, the other snaked around my waist. His lips were inches away from mine, and I couldn't wait any longer. I closed the distance between our lips. The feeling was incredible; I will never get over it. His lips were moving around mine, and I found it hard to concentrate on breathing. Sensing my lack of air, he moved his head down to my neck and started to kiss my neck sweetly.

I concentrated on breathing. _In, out, in, out, in, out._

A part of me was reminding myself of the pathetic trait of having to remind yourself to breathe while kissing your husband.

_Shut up, voice. _

I think I've officially gone insane.

All this was shot out the window when my phone rang; playing my lullaby that Edward recorded into a ringtone for me.

I gasped, losing sight of the moment, when Edward's hand shot out and flipped the phone open.

An unknown number read:

Sharing is caring. Except for STDS!!

Edward frowned at the text, and then stopped short.

Oh no. It's another one of those Edward's-stopped-to-stare-at-something-so-it-must-be-Emmett's-fault-moments.

"Go away Emmett!!" I shouted to the air around us, and resumed kissing Edward.

Bewildered, Edward hesitated, but kissed me back. My heart was pounding and our lips were moving in synchronization. I tightened my hold on his neck even more (if that were possible) and leaned forward a little more.

"In the right corner we have Edward Cullen, and having just lost his virginity for the first time in a century, taking over this fight! But oh no, here comes Bella!" a very Emmett-like voice whispered from the darkness around us.

"Pssst! Jasper! How much does Bella weigh? I need to announce that!" I heard Emmett whisper-yell.

"Emmett you idiot we were just about to get the explicit version!!"

"What? 100? That's not right, she weighs way more than that!"

"WHAT!?!?" I shrieked furiously.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT!?"

Emmett and Jasper emerged from under the couch (how did they fit under there anyway??) shaking with laughter, and with the video camera _again._

"How did you not know they were in here?" I asked Edward, simply curious.

"Well, love I was a bit distracted."

I blushed and gave Edward a go-and-kill-your-brothers-now look.

He grinned evilly and punched Emmett straight in the jaw, yet again tackling him to the ground while Jasper stood filming the whole thing.

"Hey, Jasper!" I yelled, keeping my anger at bay for now. I would need it later.

"Yes, Bella?" Jasper responded, still shaking with laugher.

I grinned evilly and stared pointedly at Edward. I spent all my energy remembering all the nights Edward and I had spent in the past days of our honeymoon, cherishing every moment until I could imagine this "explicit version" of home movies they wanted perfectly in my mind.

My head was dizzy with lust, and I could see it affecting Jasper too.

His head whipped around from side to side, and he threw the video camera on the couch and ran out of the room yelling "ALICE!! WHERE'S THAT LEATHER OUTFIT YOU WERE WEARING?"

In the same fashion, Emmett ran out of the room looking for Rosalie.

I grinned and sauntered over to Edward.

"I'm waiting." I stated, trying to keep myself from laughing.

Edward was able to control himself better, that I knew, but Jasper's gift was inevitable. Edward rushed over to me, lifting me off the ground and kissing me with a passion that if combined with my bad luck, could "create a weapon of mass destruction" as he once put it.


	5. Revenge on the Idiots, Part 1

**So I was disappointed in the lack of feedback from the last chapter. **** Come on guys, I was working on that for a few hours. I **_**almost**_** posted an author's note about this instead of an author's note and chapter, but I didn't. Anyway, that's why I waited so long to post this. I was waiting to hear what you guy's thought of the last one.**

**But I'm not going to be a jerk and "hold this chapter hostage" just because I didn't get a review. So, here's the next chappie! **

**(Virtual cookies for everyone who reviews! Chocolate chip! Sorry about the delay, I had writer's block. I got stuck on what pranks to play for a few months, actually. It was agony!)**

BPOV

It all seemed very surreal to me.

I mean really, how many people has this happened to? Their brothers and sisters-in-laws come and crash their honeymoon with a video camera, several dangerous weapons, very tight black leather, and all within the period of a few hours.

Then again, how many humans can say they married a vampire?

Only one that I can recall.

This was only one of the million thoughts swarming through my head as Edward and I stood in the living room, touching foreheads and gazing into each other's eyes. I suppose from a different point of view, this would look very sappy and romantic. But right now the only thing I could coherently concentrate on was Edward's molten topaz eyes boring into mine. I could lose myself forever in those eyes of his, framed by dark lashes and complimented with tousled bronze hair and lips I could kiss for all eternity. He made me feel so amazing I felt like I could almost forgive _Emmett_ with just a look from those eyes of his.

This thought almost made me laugh. Forgive Emmett. The day Alice goes without spending money is the day I'd forgive Emmett.

But underneath it all, I knew I'd cave in the end. Emmett was too much of a teddy bear sometimes.

I snapped out of my trance when I felt Edward's lips press against my forehead, and I tightened my arms around his neck. My breathing became heavy and in the back of my mind I could tell that I was being dazzled…to a high extent. So, to keep from embarrassing myself any further than I had today, I closed my eyes and savored the moment.

"Bella?" his honey flavored voice cut through my oxygen supply.

"Hmmmm?" was all I could manage to respond.

"You do know Jasper left the video camera on the couch, right?"

My eyes opened slowly to see him smiling evilly at me, and I could tell he was hiding something mischievous in his eyes. I returned the grin and he "walked" over to the couch (but at his speed, a human flat out sprinting wouldn't have been able to keep up) pulling me with him by the hand. Picking up the silver video camera, I raised an eyebrow at the obvious flashing red light next to the lens. Turning it around so it would face both of us, he spoke:

"Revenge on the Idiots, Part 1." Following the comment, he pressed the standby button, snapped the camera shut, and grinned over at me smugly.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"So. What's first on the agenda?" I asked, still smiling widely.

"First, we come up with a battle plan."

EPOV

After deliberating for about a half hour, we had finally settled on a plan.

And it was better than "Major Whitlock" himself could come up with.

My beautiful wife and I were crouched down behind some trees in the thick vegetation of the jungle that bordered the house, waiting for Emmett to run past.

I had already debriefed Rosalie; she seemed to be on our side for once. I held the camera in one hand, with the other arm wrapped around Bella's warm waist. Emmett, Jasper, and very possibly Alice were going to suffer for interrupting our paradise, I would see to it myself. Bella had somehow found black face paint in the house, so we now we each had two stripes on our cheeks. This woman continues to amaze me. She giggled, clutching her hand to her mouth in an effort to muffle her laughter.

_Alright Edward, we'll be there in one minute._ Rosalie thought to me. They were less than a mile away now.

"60 seconds Bella." I whispered in her ear.

"Can we make the most of that situation?"

I laughed. Bella can be quite devious sometimes. "We can try, but it's risky."

"I like danger."

"I know." I smiled at the familiar words, but couldn't help consenting. The sun shone through cracks in the trees, hitting her hair in just the right light, revealing the reddish tint that I so rarely get to see. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her right ear fondly. She smiled up at me, showing her white teeth.

_30 seconds…_

"30 seconds Bella." She nodded slightly and continued to stare into my eyes. These were the kinds of times where our relationship shifted to somewhere along the Alice-Jasper end of the spectrum. The kind where you see them looking at each other and feel like you're interrupting something private. Not that Alice and Jasper don't have their Rosalie-Emmett moments, (located on the other end of the spectrum) …but I digress.

_20 seconds…_

I continued to stare into her chocolate brown eyes, refusing to let anything ruin this moment. My mind processed in milliseconds what my beautiful Bella's did in minutes, and for that I was grateful. She moved in closer to me, closing her eyes and cutting off my only connection to her thoughts I so desperately wished to hear.

_10 seconds, Edward. Focus!_

I sighed and turned us around to face the clearing. Even Bella could hear rustling of leaves and branches whipping past Emmett as he ran at an inhuman speed.

_Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Rose is mad! She's been chasing me for 20 minutes already! I just hope I can get her to calm down enough to help Jasper and I scheme. She's good with that._

I stifled a laugh as I heard Emmett's thoughts.

"What?" Bella whispered to me.

"Just Emmett." I responded, grinning widely.

_Finally. Concentrate, we have 7 seconds! Don't miss the shot!_

I whipped the video camera out and pressed the record button, facing the opening in the trees where the forest ended and dirt became sand. A normal video camera wouldn't be able to follow what was about to happen, but Jasper had obviously modified this one to fit our…standards. Rosalie zipped over to us, standing behind me.

"Hello, Bella." She said pleasantly, smiling evilly as her eyes zeroed in on Emmett, a huge blur to Bella's eyes.

"Hello, Rosalie." Bella replied in the same sugar-sweet tone, not even turning around as she focused in on Emmett as well.

I chuckled. Bella was definitely fitting in.

Emmett slowed, realizing Rosalie wasn't chasing him anymore. He began to walk forward at human pace, glancing around. Rosalie ran over to stand in front of him, the look on her face absolutely lethal.

Emmett did an army roll around a tree to face her, his eyes wide.

"Emmett. We're going home. Now."

"Awwwww, baby, why?"

"You know why!"

He pouted, using his puppy dog eyes (as planned of course). However, I still found myself wishing we had Alice's power on our side.

"Emmett." She said in a firm tone, giving him a warning glare.

He sighed and trudged forward in defeat, his head hanging in mock despair.

_C'mon, Eddie, bail me out! I know you're around somewhere!_

I fought the urge to growl at the despicable nickname, while taking joy in the desperate tone of his thoughts. At the same time, Rosalie tapped her foot impatiently while waiting for Emmett to finally make his way across the ten foot space between them.

He sighed as he made his way to stand in front of Rosalie, still trying to earn forgiveness through his puppy dog eyes technique.

"You're an idiot." Rosalie said simply, and smacked him in the back of the head, hard enough that it sounded like two boulders colliding. **(For those of you that watch NCIS…Gibbs slap!)**

"Hey!" he complained rubbing the back of his skull.

_Whipped! Emmett is SO in for it._

I grinned darkly as I heard Jasper's thoughts, coming from somewhere around a mile away, but he was moving. Swiftly.

"Rosalie, Jasper's on the move." I said in a voice so low I wasn't even sure if she heard me.

_On it. Be ready._

I repositioned the video camera so that it got a more clear view of the two vampires in the thick vegetation.

Rosalie sighed mournfully, "I really wish I didn't have to do this Emmett." She said it as if she actually was going to regret it. _I'm very good at what I do Edward, don't insult my intelligence._ I held back a laugh, surprised that she could finally guess_ my _thoughts.

Emmett's head snapped back up. "Then don't. Rosie, I'm _sorry,_ okay? Really, I am. Just don't kill me please!" I noted the lack of apology to me.

"Too late. I can only hope that you'll have better common sense in the future. "Rosalie said threateningly, and Emmett's topaz eyes widened in response. Once again, I fought back a chuckle.

_Now, Edward!_

I grinned. While Emmett was distracted thinking up all the possible ways Rosalie could punish him "not in the good way" (grimace) I silently picked up the modified paintball gun Rosalie had left at my side. I say modified because much like many of our vampire gadgets, Jasper had changed it from shooting at 3,000 PSI to about 30,000 PSI. It made quite a difference, but still nowhere near enough to puncture our vampire skin. Pulling the silent trigger, I whisked around at different angles of the clearing so he would not know where I was shooting from (or where Bella was). I laughed darkly as I darted around the treetops, and Emmett knew he was in for it as multi colored paintballs struck him from all different angles.

"EDWARD!" he bellowed. I quickly tossed the gun to Rose, which she caught with immediate grace and began where I had left off.

I shot over to Bella, scooped her up in my arms, and booked it for the other end of the island, laughing the whole way.

BPOV

I couldn't help but laugh along with Edward as his cold arms enclosed around me and the wind once again picked up speed.

When he left, he handed me the video camera and I captured the rest of the video, trying to keep from shaking with laughter the whole time. Now that Emmett's punishment was partially over, we could both let it all out. We made it to the ledge where we had watched the sunset a few nights before, and when he put me down we both practically fell over laughing. It felt good to hear Edward laugh; we had been through so much that I rarely got to hear him let it out like this, and as we lay on our sides facing each other, the laughter slowly dying down, I realized how glad I was that I married him. The sun shone off his chest, illuminating the soft grass with tiny silver sequins.

"Looks like Emmett finally got what was coming to him." His velvet voice announced softly.

"Finally." I agreed, wondering how long it had been since Edward had actually gotten to take it out on him like that. And then I smiled, realizing that I would be there the next time, and the next time, and the next…

He grinned at me crookedly, knowing that besides his gorgeous eyes, that was one thing I couldn't resist. I accepted the invitation gladly, placing a hand on the back of his neck and kissing his lips softly. He smiled against my lips and deepened the kiss, pulling me closer by the waist. When that wasn't enough, he rolled us over so he was on top of me. My hands moved to tangle in his hair as he moved his lips to my throat, kissing me urgently. I dragged my hands down to his chest, over his ever perfect muscles. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." He growled against my throat.

I raised an eyebrow. "Jasper?"

"Alice, actually."

"Great." I rolled my eyes sarcastically, and before I could protest, I was in his arms and we were off again.

**Sorry, it had to be a cliffie! Reviews are love, I really appreciate it! And please let me know of any ideas or suggestions you have for the next few chapters, it would really help with my bad case of writer's block. Sorry this one was short, I'm still struggling a bit. Love you all!**


	6. Revenge on the Idiots, Part 2

**You guys are awesome! Thanks for the reviews; it really gave me the inspiration for this next chapter. The coveted virtual cookies go to Lily Anne Rose, girl-crazy-4-VampyreSpeed, Bellaangel383, and pottergoose. (Do you want me to respond to reviews? Cuz I will!) Anyway, please enjoy this next chapter; hopefully I can make it longer. They seem long in a word document, then you post it and it only looks like it was two pages long . **

**(I don't own anything!)**

BPOV

And here we go again. The wind whipped past my face, and I wondered just how much faster Edward was than the rest of his family.

As much fun as this was, I kind of wished it was just Edward and I. Maybe I'm crazy, but this _was_ our honeymoon. I hated it when they interrupted us like that. Things were going in a very pleasant direction before Alice came along. I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"What are you thinking?" I smiled at the familiar question.

"Not much. Alice is just being annoying." I grumbled.

"True." He mused. "We need another punishment."

I grinned. A few minutes later, we arrived at the white beach in front of the house, the turquoise waves overlapping each other in a rush to get to shore.

"I can walk, Edward." I reminded him.

"Yeah, I know." He said, but didn't let me budge an inch from his arms. He just smiled innocently. I sighed, but leaned into him anyway, my head resting on his chest. I may have lived in Arizona for most of my life, but Forks was growing on me.

Edward slowed to human paced walk, up the porch steps and through the sliding glass doors into the kitchen. It had only been a few hours since I ate last, but never the less, my stomach growled and I sighed impatiently. Why am I so _hungry_? We haven't even done that much today. While I poked around in the fridge for food, Edward reached over my head and grabbed ingredients, cooking at vampire speed while I gave up on the fridge and headed over to the well stocked cabinets, grabbing a bag of pretzels. While I snacked on a salty pretzel, I observed Edward as he flitted around the kitchen.

"I'm not _that _hungry Edward." I said skeptically, eyeing the large amounts of food that began to build up on the counter next to him. So far, I counted pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. It looked like the all you can eat buffet at IHOP.

"It's not all for you." He said simply, as if it were completely obvious.

I grinned when I realized what this meant.

EPOV

_Permission to enter the kitchen, super chef?_ Rosalie's sarcastic voice echoed in my head. I rolled my eyes, and she walked through the door with a grimace plastered on her face.

"Ugh, it smells almost as bad as wet dog in here." I stifled a short laugh.

"Is Emmett following you?"

"And Jasper. Alice is trying to figure out our plans, but I keep changing my mind."

I smiled and stepped back to admire my handiwork. Three courses of human food were set out on the marble island counter. Pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs and orange juice for breakfast, a grilled cheese sandwich (with all the dressings), French fries, and fruit for lunch, and an 8 ounce steak, mashed potatoes, and asparagus for dinner.

"I call force feeding the asparagus to Jasper." Rosalie said evilly, her white teeth producing an eight-color rainbow in the sun that shown through the window. "Be my guest."

I set the video camera up on a tripod facing the counter, and turned to Rosalie with an equally mischievous expression. "What's our plan?"

Rosalie pulled a giant whiteboard out of a closet in the hallway and wheeled it over to Bella and I who sat on the counter in front of her, drawing elaborate designs on the whiteboard that I _think_ was supposed to be a diagram.

"Rose, no one knows what you're drawing." I said tentatively, trying to find a picture in the random lines and shapes on the white board.

_It's what my husband and brother are going to look like when I'm done with them. _Rosalie thought, rolling her eyes and erasing the complicated drawing on the board.

"All right, here's our _real_ plan." Bella looked over at me questioningly, and I just shook my head.

I could hear Emmett and Jasper moving swiftly, the terrain suffering under their feet. Racing through the door, they stood in front of us, their expressions both the same mask of disgust.

"What is that _smell?_" Emmett said, plugging his nose theatrically.

"THAT is the smell of defeat." Rosalie said threateningly, holding up two pairs of vampire strong handcuffs.

"What? I never agreed to a threesome! I don't' roll like that!" Emmett said, almost sounding scared.

"Emmett, you are so naive." Rosalie said, sounding as if she heard this every day, which she probably did. Bella and I, however, were beside ourselves laughing, and Bella was clutching the counter so hard that if she was a vampire, it would surely break to pieces. Knowing that the camera was recording just made this so much funnier.

While Jasper was struggling to keep from laughing and Emmett was too busy thanking God he couldn't blush, Rosalie swiftly dragged them over to the barstools and handcuffed them to the chairs, giving them no choice but to sit down and enjoy what was coming to them. Emmett was still covered in multicolored paint, and Jasper's hair was still matted with coconut milk and dirt. They looked like they had just gotten off Man vs. Wild. After Rose had vampire glued the chairs to the ground, they both sat in the stools, eyeing the food as if they were seeing their heads on silver platters. It did smell pretty bad, to be honest.

"Now, I'm going to ask you some simple questions. You answer truthfully, and I won't force feed you. Edward here can tell if you're lying. You say something I don't like, and I will deliver your demise." Rosalie said darkly, appearing behind them, darting around the kitchen like a bullet.

"So. Who wants to go first?" she said cheerfully, using a sweet voice that any sane person would distrust.

They both stared at her with the same expression of horror, their eyes as wide as saucers.

"Jasper." Rose said without looking in his direction. She paced slowly in front of them, coming to a stop right in front of Jasper's terrified face.

"Where is Alice?"

He gulped. "Outside?" he said lamely.

_Come on, Edward, I didn't do anything!_

I growled menacingly, "You're on Isle Esme, Jasper. What does that say to you?"

_It says as soon as you let us go, we'll leave?_

"Tempting. But no, you'll have to face my wrath first." I said calmly, quite enjoying the expression on his face.

"Where outside, Jasper? Be specific." Rosalie chided, twirling a silver fork in her hand.

He bit his lip, trying to decide if it was worth it or not. Suddenly, a bright grin lit up his too smug face, and Bella's stomach growled again.

"Jasper cut it out! I was already hungry!" Bella yelled, crossing her arms. But she was biting her lip; I could tell she was trying to resist launching herself at the food. I wrapped my arms around her waist, partly because I wanted to, and partly to keep her away from the food. I glared furiously at Jasper, and he looked away pointedly.

"I'm getting agitated, Jasper. Answer the question." Rosalie warned in a strained tone, her eyes reflecting more dark amber than topaz. Jasper tried to avoid looking at the food (and me), but instead looked straight out the window.

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. I _almost_ feel sorry for you." Rosalie said, scowling. I truly was glad she was on our side.

_Rose is cute when she's mad._

I rolled my eyes at Emmett's crude thoughts. Sometimes I think he _lives _to annoy me.

"Don't leave Emmett out while you're at it, Rose." I reminded, throwing a smug grin right in Emmett's face.

I win.

_Oh Eddie, you WILL regret this._ I snorted.

Bella shifted in my arms, looking at me skeptically.

"Just Emmett, again."

"It always is." She said, smiling timidly. Sometimes, I wish she could read _my_ mind.

_Here I go. _

"Don't hold back." I replied to Rosalie.

She made a show of it, just as I expected. Cutting about a quarter of the stack of pancakes, she held the fork up, staring at it with a grimace on her face.

"Is this what you really want, Jasper?" her candy flavored voice drifted softly through the air. He remained silent, a look of pure horror on his face, with Emmett watching silently as if he were seeing his life flash before his eyes."That's too bad. It doesn't have to be this way, you know." Her voice was velvet, silent, and completely terrifying. _This is getting boring. Sorry, Jasper._ I chuckled cynically. And with that, she shoved the disgusting human food down his throat. Jasper choked as the squishy pancakes slid down his throat, complete with butter and syrup. Rosalie is a complete genius. You could practically taste his disgust as it permeated the air, leaving us all gagging. My poor Bella didn't stand a chance, and she streaked to the bathroom with her hand clamped over her mouth. I followed after, smacking Jasper's head almost as hard as I could on the way.

"OUCH!" He yelled, I must have hit him harder than I thought. Well, good.

"Rose, feed him the rest of the pancakes!" I snarled furiously, and noted the shriek of fear emitted from the kitchen.

I flew into the bathroom after Bella, who I found leaning over the toilet and was violently sick. I held her gorgeous mahogany hair back; murmuring in her ear sweetly about how much Jasper was going to pay. When she had finished, she brushed her teeth (as I expected), and fell back into my arms, shaking slightly. It reminded me of when I first met her, and we had done blood typing in science. I hugged her close, and she buried her too warm face in my neck.

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked worriedly, stroking her hair and pressing my hand to her forehead. She was just a degree warmer than she should be, 1.2 by my count. "Fine." She said, breathing heavily. "Bella, you just threw up. You're not fine." She just pressed herself closer to me, and I was sure that even she could hear the gagging going on in the other room. Despite everything, she smirked. "Bella, I promise you, Jasper WILL pay." I threatened. "I know, he already is." She said, closing her eyes wearily, and she kissed my neck. I fought the urge to growl, I was very well aware of who was just down the hall. I swear she does that on purpose. I just sighed, and she smiled a very small smile.

"Bella, you're still shaking. Are you _sure_ you're okay?" I asked, my voice thick with anxiety.

"Edward, I'm fine. I'm probably just hypo glycemic. I just threw up whatever I ate."

_You can come back in now; I made Jasper eat the whole breakfast course. He's done making everyone sick._ I could hear the revolted tone through her thoughts.

I laughed, and Bella looked up at me, still clinging to my chest. "Rosalie made him eat the whole thing." We laughed together, and I took the opportunity to savor Bella's sweet tinkling laugh, memorizing the look on her face when she was at her happiest—with me. The thought made me glow even more.

"I could go for some lunch right now." Bella hinted. "The kitchen it is." I replied, grinning down at her.

"Wait! I get to walk this time, right?" I sighed, hearing laughter from down the hall. "If you really want to." She grinned, knowing I could never deny her anything she wanted.

"Can you even walk in a straight line, Bella?" I heard Emmett call from the kitchen. I whisked into the kitchen taking Bella with me. Glaring at him menacingly, I prepared the same lunch course for Bella in seconds. Setting it down in front of her, she ate it quietly, watching the scene play out in front of her.

"Emmett," I said calmly, taking another fork and inspecting it, as if I cared what quality silverware I would shove down Emmett's throat, "you really shouldn't have said that." I whirled around quickly so I faced him, and he gulped loudly. I glared at him murderously, my eyes prickling. I knew my eyes were darkening, so I picked up half a sandwich, his light gold eyes stared back at me in straight fear.

_Come on Edward, is this really necessary?_

"Of course. How else would you learn you lesson?" I said, using the same deadly tone I used on the mongrel that so foolishly thought he could win anything against me. He struggled in his chair, but neither the handcuffs nor the chair would budge. I grinned, and prying while Rosalie pried his mouth open, I stuffed the entire lunch meal down his throat, following the grim act, Rosalie forced him to swallow.

_You will pay for this little brother. Should I show you all the ways you and Bells could learn from my expertise?_

"Emmett, I am over 30 years older than you. I am _not_ your little brother. And quit thinking about my sister that way."

"Emmett, for once Edward is right. I don't think you've earned the privilege to think about me that way." Rosalie taunted, making sure her shirt was just a little lower than before, and that her stilettos still flattered her in the same way. I felt the need to roll my eyes at her theatrics, but it was true. It worked on someone like Emmett. He hung onto her every word, and I finally had to smack him in the back of the head. _Whap!_

"Get your mind out of the gutter Emmett." I scolded.

"Okay, Esme." Emmett said sarcastically.

"You think you would've learned your lesson by now." Jasper, who had been silent the whole time, glared at Emmett. "Come on man; don't make it worse than it already is."

"He's right." Rosalie echoed. "Don't shame yourself any more than you already have. And maybe, _if you cooperate, _I'll consider lowering your punishment. Instead of two months, it could be one month and three weeks. Think about it, Emmett," she said, lowering herself onto his lap."Think about just _how long_ a week really is." Rosalie was certainly talented, Emmett was completely absorbed. In fact, Jasper was letting it affect us a bit too. I whipped my head to the side. "Jasper, unless you want mashed potatoes to be shoved in your face, you'd better let up on the mood control." I snarled.

_Edward, let me OUT of these handcuffs! I can't take this anymore!_

"Oh, Emmett. Someday, you will learn not to mess with me. That day," I said, walking slowly around the island," is today." It had been too long since he got what was coming to him, and I could see him struggling to untie his hands. Rosalie just continued to bat her eyes at him and kiss basically anything but his lips. I shot Rosalie a warning glance; I didn't want Jasper getting us all riled up. "Oh, Emmett. If only you had stayed home, with me. Just like Alice warned you to." She heaved another mournful sigh, hopping off Emmett's lap and strutting over to the other edge of the counter, laying an elbow on the counter and resting her head on her hand, making sure she showed Emmett the full effect of her new push up bra. I sighed, wishing for alone time with Bella. Emmett swallowed loudly.

"Dude, I will _gladly_ eat the rest of that food if you let me go." I looked up, shocked that Emmett would eat something as disgusting as _asparagus_ just for sex. Even Rosalie was shocked.

_Seriously? Wow. Maybe I overdid it just a little…_Rosalie's thoughts made its way to my mind.

"You think?" I muttered sarcastically.

"All right Emmett." His head snapped over to me, his eyes still black with desire. "Seriously?" he asked incredulously. "Eat the potatoes and steak. Jasper here can eat the asparagus."

_Hey, __**I**__ called feeding Jasper the asparagus!_

"Sure, Rose, knock yourself out." I said, waving my hand in dismissal.

_Yes! This is the best part!_ Rosalie grinned mischievously, and began cutting the asparagus into tiny pieces. She truly was evil. Even Bella didn't like asparagus, and Jasper was practically whimpering as he saw his fate laid out in front of him.

Emmett sighed. "I usually like my steak rarer than this…but it will have to do." He said skeptically, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. "That was the first good joke I've heard, Emmett." I said mockingly. He just glared. He ate the whole steak in one bite, bone and all. I felt like dragging his punishment out _just_ a bit longer however, and made him eat the potatoes in 7 separate bites. When Emmett was finished, he collapsed back in his chair, breathing heavily. I simply handed him a bucket to throw up in, and whisked over to Bella's side, taking her warm hand in mine. She smiled up at me, and we cheerfully watched Rosalie carry out her punishment to Jasper. He had only eaten two asparagus, with three left to go. I was almost starting to feel sorry for him. While Emmett was busy emptying the contents of his stomach into the bucket, Jasper was desperately trying to hurry up the process by eating as fast as he could.

"Come on, Rosalie, _please!_"

"Jasper, you need to learn not to mess with _me._ You should've just gone home with Emmett and Alice when I told you to. But since I'm a nice person," Jasper scoffed, Rosalie ignored it "here you go." She said, and dumped the remaining bits of green slime into Jasper's mouth. She smiled ever so sweetly at him and skipped over to Emmett's side, taking the bucket from him and handing it to Jasper, who began to throw up violently into the bucket.

"Edward, key?" Emmett asked hopefully.

I debated, toying with the small silver key in the hand that wasn't holding Bella's. "What do you say, Rosalie?"

"I say, it's time for a conference." _By the way, where'd the pixie go, anyway?_

I stiffened. "Rosalie, with me!" I growled, scooping Bella up in my arms, and ran to the other end of the house.

**Tada! You're welcome! Extra long chappie for you all! I think I'm really starting to get back into the story. Thanks SO MUCH to those of you who reviewed; you helped more than you know. Also to those who added me/my story to a favorite or alert, you guys rock! Keep it up!**

**-TeamEdward14**


	7. Teams

**Thanks for the feedback, guys. **** I decided to start replying to reviews. I'll post them at the end of the chapter. What would you like to see? More humor? More romance? Your wish is my command. I have no intention of ending this story in the near future, so enjoy this next chapter! Also, I saw Eclipse and I thought it was definitely the best out of all the movies so far! "Do you **_**own**_** a shirt?" hahaha it was great! The only thing I didn't get was the black Volvo. I mean really, the cars were pretty much the only thing Catherine Hardwicke got right. How hard is it to get a ****silver**** Volvo? Anyway. Read on, love you all! **

BPOV

"I think it's time for a conference." Rosalie's sweet voice chimed.

Edward became as still as stone next to me, and his eyes widened as if he were seeing his life flash before his eyes. "Edward?" I asked, abandoning the empty plate next to me and reaching up to touch his face. His smooth cold skin remained like marble under my touch. I doubted if he had even heard me speak. "Edward?" I tried again, worried. He flashed back into reality then, his golden eyes looking down at me in horror as if it was the last time he would ever see my face. His head snapped back up, determination set in tense lines. "Rosalie, with me." He growled, and before I could ask what was going on, we were in the blue room, Rosalie hot on our heels. Edward set me down, but wrapped his arms around me protectively, holding me close. He glanced around warily, and I looked up at him, confused.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, trying to keep fear from leaking into my voice as my heart thudded loudly.

"Alice will be here in less than 5 minutes. It's hard to tell because she's blocking me…by singing Barbie Girl. Over, and over, and over…"I could feel him shudder behind me.

My heart skipped a beat, and ice ran cold in my veins. I gulped loudly.

"Rose, we need a devious idea. Soon."

"Why are you looking at me?" Rose asked, crossing her arms innocently as if she didn't recognize her own reputation.

"Because last time Alice tried to upstage you, you burned all her favorite clothes and replaced them with knock offs from Wal Mart." Edward said simply, raising an eyebrow.

"True." She said, shrugging and sitting down lightly on the edge of the blue bed, barely putting any weight on it. She tilted her head and frowned, narrowing her eyes as if looking at the ceiling would give her an inspiration for her latest project. After a few seconds of silence, a slow evil grin lit up her face. "Excellent!" Edward beamed, grinning. I frowned, hating feeling left out.

"Will someone _please_ tell me what's going on?" I huffed, frustrated. Sometimes, their silent conversations annoy me. Well, most of the time.

"You'll just have to see, Bella. These walls have ears." Rosalie said, pointedly looking toward the other end of the house. Edward nodded at her, obviously conveying some sort of signal. She shot off to the kitchen, and I sighed, slightly angry. I hated being in the dark.

"What's wrong, love?" Edward asked, and I turned around so that I was facing him, his arms still wrapped around my waist. He was frowning; his golden eyes looked down at me in worry. I sighed again, but not in anger this time. I hugged him back, giving in. "Nothing really, I just hate not knowing." I explained. He sighed in obvious relief, and I could feel every inch of him against me. "Bella, love, don't worry. This will all be over before you know it, and they'll all go back to bothering someone else." He said, stroking my hair sweetly. I could see an intense emotion burning in his eyes, one I accepted as a fierce want. I felt that somehow, he _could_ read my mind at this moment. That somehow, he knew I understood what he was thinking and that yes, I wanted this to be over. I wanted to go back to the last couple weeks, when we had a seemingly unlimited amount of time on our hands. Not that I don't enjoy pulling a couple pranks on my siblings, but preferably when I'm stronger than them. I smiled widely at the thought, imagining _me_ being the one darting around trees and shooting Emmett with a paint gun. I giggled a bit; the thought was just so ridiculous. Emmett, standing there with the same sloppy grin on his face, covered in paint.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's soft voice brought me back to the present, as it usually does. "Just wondering what it will be like when _I'm_ the one able to take Emmett down." I laughed again, and he laughed with me. I cherished these moments, the ones when we were both thinking, feeling the same thing. It felt like I was wrapped inside one big emotional bubble—one which only Edward and I could understand and feel. I would imagine that if peace and happiness could be a color, it would be a pale spring yellow, like a softly glowing bubble of light. But I could feel an edge to this tranquility, an underlying knowledge than any second now; we would be tossed into a crazy world of pranks and vampires again. I sighed, tense, and clutched myself closer against his cool skin, knowing that any second this perfect world would be yanked away from me. I scoffed when I heard loud noises coming from the other room, frowning at their theatrics.

"Let's end this quickly." I said, not letting my frustration seep into my tone. I could never talk to Edward that way. He tried to hide a half smile, pressing his lips together. _Yeah, our siblings our kind of annoying, but they're also pretty hilarious._ And suddenly I was the next to try hiding a smile, as something in the back of my mind registered confusion. _What the heck is Jasper around somewhere? _I wondered. Edward and I were oddly in sync emotion-wise lately. I guess this happens when you're married. I didn't try to suppress the grin that spread over my face this time, but led Edward by the hand into the kitchen at a human pace. "Come on, Em, please? _Please?_" Rosalie's honey sweet voice drifted down the hall. When we made it to the kitchen, I apprehensively pressed a hand on the cool wooden door, pushing the slightly ajar entry way all the way open.

The sight in front of me left me with my jaw on the floor, the hand that wasn't holding Edward's clamped over my mouth, muffling insane laughter.

Alice, still dressing in her skin tight motorcycle leather suit, was desperately trying to uproot the metal chair Jasper was still tied to, while multiple hair care products stretched out on the floor beneath him. Jasper's hair was practically glowing with all the care she put into it, easily ten times better than it had looked before. However, I did notice a half-empty hair spray bottle sitting suspiciously on the counter nearest to Rosalie, and Alice's hair was ever so slightly ruffled…I pushed away the thought and focused my attention on Rose, who was once again in Emmett's lap, using her desperate beautiful face to try and convince Emmett that none of us would hurt him if he surrendered. Emmett's jaw was clenched, his hands straining against the handcuffs that held him bound to the chair. Rosalie lifted one long, pale hand to his face, pulling it slowly closer. "Don't be afraid, baby. Edward promised not to kill you if you would simply come with me. Right, Edward?" Rosalie's sweet voice continued, her face still glued to Emmett's, but Edward and I were laughing too hard to respond. "Come on, Em." She said persuasively. "But Rose, this is just so fun!" Emmett whined, swallowing in an effort to resist her very seductive moves. "You know, I could _show_ you what's _fun,_ Emmett." Rosalie whispered, touching his lips with her red ones ever so softly. Another wave of hysteria crashed over me as I registered the bulge in Emmett's pants. Edward seemed to notice too, and I practically keeled over, clutching the marble countertop with both my free hand in a vain effort to hold myself up.

Emmett seemed to notice it was more than the two of them in the room then, and without taking his eyes off of Rose, he said "I wouldn't be talking if I were you Edward," he started, and then turned around to face me, a sloppy grin on his face.

I looked up at him, confused, laughter slowly dying in my throat. "Bella, you're telling me you didn't even _notice_ when Edward's-"he started to say, but Edward reached around me before he could finish, throwing a plate from the cupboard into the side of Emmett's head, where it smashed with the sound of shattering glass. "Hey!" Emmett yelled. I slowly wiped the hysteric tears from my eyes, looking up at Edward questioningly, while he glared daggers at Emmett, and I could hear a growl building up in his chest. Letting go of my hand, he pulled me to him, once again cradling me in his arms protectively, the whole while keeping his death gaze on Emmett's seemingly innocent face. I bit my lip, but curiosity was building. "Do I really I want to know?" I asked apprehensively. "Yes." Emmett said, while Edward snarled "No!" at the same time. I bit my lip, debating silently in my head. "That reminds me," Emmett said thoughtfully "Where'd you get the handcuffs, Edward? Hmmmmm?" Emmett dared to taunt, and Edward took a threatening step forward, his eyes glistening with golden fury.

"Ah ha!" Alice squealed, wrenching a giant knife out of one of many pockets, and started screeching away at the glue that held the chair to the marble kitchen floor at vampire speed. I covered my ears, burying my head in Edward's cool, bare chest. Fire ignited in me when I realized he was still shirtless, distracting me temporarily. Edward's gaze flickered between Emmett and Alice, and it would have been too quick for me to see, had I not been gazing at his beautiful face. Faster than I could realize what was going on, he whirled around, picking me up and setting me on the counter top, kissing me passionately, but shortly, his lips leaving mine aching for more, and launched himself at Alice. She darted out of the way a fraction before he his hands clasped empty air, and they stood facing each other, waiting for the first move. Alice eyed the knife in her hand, staring at it with her mouth set in a grim line, debating. Edward took advantage of her slight distraction, his teeth bared, and they resumed the fight, while Jasper struggled uselessly against his bound hands. They flew around the kitchen, creating wind that whipped over my face, shapeless blurs darting from one piece of furniture to the next.

I looked around anxiously, trying to locate Edward's graceful form in the sea of blurs, while Rosalie held Emmett's eyes in hers, obtaining his full attention in the midst of the craziness around them. Somehow, I don't think Emmett cared who was even in the room. "Em, we could go for a swim later…or a shower, back home…you've got paint all over you…" She cooed, disguising a laugh. Rosalie. Is. A. Genius. Emmett was practically putty in her hands. Jasper cleared his throat loudly, indicating that the emotional climate was getting a little out of hand. I focused on a steady calm, a stab of sympathy coursing through me. Jasper took a deep breath, steadying himself. "Thanks, Bella." He said a little sheepishly. I smiled slightly, not sure if I could actually trust him.

"Edward?" I called to the ceiling, and lithely dancing white blurs swirled around the edge of the walls. Suddenly, cool arms picked me up by the waist, setting me down on the floor and cradling me to him once again. I sighed with satisfaction, turning around to face him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He snarled at Alice, who stood in front of us, knowing she couldn't hurt Edward without hurting me.

"Bella, come on." Alice pleaded, her seemingly sweet voice dispersing through the room. "Just let Jasper go, and we'll leave." She promised solemnly. I glanced up at Edward, and he narrowed his eyes, searching her mind intently. "Just think of all the things I've done for you!" Alice said peacefully, her eyes conveying sincerity. "I bought you all your clothes! The shorts, the tank tops, the bikinis, the lingerie sets! Don't you know how much those cost?" She pleaded, while Emmett burst out laughing, illuminating the entire room, with Jasper not far behind.

I blushed, ignoring them. Edward's steel grip tightened around me, and I could feel a growl building in his chest. I bit my lip, confused. Whose side was Alice on, anyway? Just as I was about to voice my uneven opinion, I heard a small _click._ All heads turned in Emmett's direction, and he wriggled his arms free, stretching out his hands in wonder as if he thought he had lost them forever. Rosalie held the tiny silver key in her hand, where it glimmered in the faint sunlight.

Everything happened very fast then.

The world rushed by at a breakneck speed, the black, gold, and silver colors of the kitchen evolved into the satin blue of the blue room. And then everything stopped dead, and I gasped. I could see everything clearly now, but I had forgotten to close my eyes while we ran. Rosalie and Emmett looked at me weirdly, their faces identical masks. I blushed a deep red, moving my arms to wrap around Edward's waist. I could feel him shiver in delight _very_ slightly at my warm touch.

"All right, here are the standings." Rose announced, and we all turned to face her. "Us four against the Baroness-wanna-be—"her voice was cut off with a loud shriek, "I HEARD THAT ROSALIE!" but she continued on as if she hadn't heard, "and the oh so high and mighty military dork." Rosalie continued, not acknowledging the multiple threats that came from the other end of the house. She smiled then and put the camera she had managed to save on the bedside table. She then started pacing around the room, an evil grin lighting up the perfect features of her pale face. "It should be easy."

"Rosalie, you still have the key, right?" Edward said, smiling my favorite crooked grin. I bit my lip and swallowed, resisting the urge to throw myself at him. He smirked.

"Of course, what do you take me for?" Rosalie replied simply.

"Well, we're going to need a place to hide it."

"Is that all? Easy." Rosalie said, shrugging, and dropped the key down her shirt. Edward shot her a weird glance, but Emmett just shrugged. "It always works bro." he rested his arm on the left side of the bed, grinning. "So, Bella!" Emmett said, a cheerful grin appearing on his oh-so-innocent face. My smile faded. He opened his mouth, obviously about o make some snide remark, but it quickly diminished, and he looked down at the headboard, frowning as it cracked even more under his weight. Rosalie caught on before Emmett did, and she quickly bursts into fit of tinkling laughter at the sight of the mangled wood. "Oh my gosh!" she spluttered, "I can't believe it, Edward! You broke the bed!" and she proceeded to fall over laughing, clutching her stomach. Emmett followed soon after, and I groaned, turning around and buried my head into Edward's chest. Edward smacked his forehead with his palm, his head hitting the back of the wall. "We will never live this down." He whispered in my ear, and quickly threw a picture frame at Emmett's head as he continued to belt out his congratulations to us both. The frame split straight down the middle, but the two still continued to laugh hysterically. I could even hear Alice and Jasper from the other end of the house, and I proceeded to turn shades of red I didn't even know were possible.

"That's a pretty bold statement, Rosalie, coming from someone whose husband breaks at least two a week." Edward retorted, but I could tell it wouldn't faze them. I just sighed, and dropped my arms, pulling Edward by the hand. "I need a drink of water." I explained. As we walked into the bathroom, Emmett called out behind us, "Don't have too much fun in there, Bells! Edward might destroy the entire room!" I gritted my teeth, shutting the bathroom door behind us.

I gulped down a glass of water, and sat down on the cold bathroom floor. Edward was next to me in a flash, his arms hugging me close. I climbed into his lap willingly, resting my head on his chest. "Bella, love, I'm sorry our siblings are such _morons._" He apologized, snarling on the last word. "Me too," I said half-jokingly. "I was really hoping they wouldn't find out about that…" I said, pouting. "Look at this way, love." Edward said, gently brushing my hair aside so he could kiss my neck. "It's only about 1:30 and we have the rest of the day to dish out our revenge." He said, painting a happy picture in my mind. I smiled. Edward always knows how to make me feel better. "See? It's not so bad. Besides, I can still call Carlisle _ANYTIME I WANT."_ Edward said, raising his voice so everyone in the house heard. The laughing stopped immediately. I grinned, leaning back on his shoulder to give him better access to my neck. He smiled against my throat; his kisses becoming more urgent. My breathing became heavy, and I tilted my head forward, so that his lips were inches from mine. Suddenly, I forgot that four of my siblings were in this very house, and they could without a doubt her everything that was going on in here. I didn't care. My heart picked up speed, thudding loudly. His eyes smoldered, locked on mine, and his hands slid down to grip my waist. Just as I was about to crash his lips to mine with everything I had, a resounding knock pounded against the door.

"Yo, lovebirds! You guys better be decent, because Alice is scheming." Emmett yelled through the door, and I groaned, closing my eyes and my forehead ended up on Edward's shoulder. "I hate it when they do that." I huffed, my voice muffled. That was at least the fourth time today. I wondered idly how many more times this would happen today. Edward laughed and appeared in front of me, offering me his hand. I smiled. I loved it when he went all "gentleman" on me. I took it, but stood up a little too fast, and I staggered to regain my balance, falling backwards a bit. My vision clouded with black spots temporarily, and I shook my head, trying to clear it. "Bella? Bella, are you all right?" Edward's anxious voice streamed through my thoughts, and I snapped back to reality, blinking furiously. "What? Yeah, I'm fine." I reassured him, while his eyes looked down at me anxiously. "I just got a little dizzy, that's all." I said, but Edward's eyes still peered back at me, worried. "Edward, I'm fine, I promise. I just stood up a little too fast." I said, struggling to climb out of his arms. He set me down gently, but kept one arm wrapped around my waist. Not that I would complain.

We walked back into the bedroom, and Edward made me sit down on the bed, a cool hand gliding up to my forehead.

"Are you sure that's safe to sit on, Edward?" Emmett said cheerfully, not trying to stifle his laughter. Edward just growled menacingly, and Rosalie pressed her lips together and bit her lip, making a sincere effort not to laugh. "Edward, I'm _fine._" I tried again hopelessly. "I feel perfectly normal." I said, staring up at him with sincere eyes. Had we been alone, I would've tried a different method to convince him that I was right. I pushed away the thought, annoyed with my hormones.

"Bella, you threw up this morning—"he started, but I cut him off. "That was Jasper!" I said desperately, trying to get him to see reason, but he continued on as if he hadn't heard me. "And now you practically faint standing up." He sighed. "Really, Bella, what _am_ I going to do with you?" he asked, smiling slightly and removing his hand from my forehead. _Change me._ I thought bitterly, annoyed.

"It's all right Edward, clumsy humans are funny." Emmett said, laughing at his own expense. Edward smacked him upside the head, and I giggled.

"Emmett, you will be with Rosalie for a _very_ limited amount of time if you do not _shut up._" Edward threatened, his eyes shooting venom. If looks could kill, Emmett would be a razing pile of ashes.

"All right," Rosalie started, breaking the angry tension in the room. "Time for that conference." She said, sitting pointedly on the bed next to me. Edward sat next to me and Emmett sat next to him, creating a makeshift circle. I smiled at her, grateful that she had taken Edward's mind off of his crazy assumptions of me being sick. "Sorry Bella, this will probably have to be a silent conversation." She said, not willing to risk Alice and Jasper hearing.

"Maybe not." I said thoughtfully, and reached into the pocket of my shorts, pulling out the small silver cell phone.

I scrolled down the list of contacts, stopping at the letter S. I dialed Seth's number, and dull ringing sounded in my ears.

"That's brilliant, Bella." Edward said, and I smiled up at him.

"Hello?" Seth's voice sounded through the room.

"Hi, Seth." I said, happy to hear from him. He was a good kid.

"Bella! How's it going, vampire girl?" he started, but then stopped, confused. "Aren't you on your honeymoon right now?" he asked a bit awkwardly.

"Yeah, but four certain siblings of mine decided to crash it." I said grudgingly, and I heard him laugh hysterically through the tiny phone. As evidence, I held out the phone so he could hear Rosalie and Emmett laughing hysterically.

"Are you serious?" That's so funny!"

"So, what's up then?" He asked cheerfully. "Well, Alice is one of them," I began "And she's on the other side." I said, hoping he would catch on. "I see. All right, I'm in." he said, and started laughing again. "Just don't let Alice kill me, kay? You two have fun now!"

"Oh, they are!" Emmett yelled, and I said a quick goodbye and hastily hung up before Emmett could make any more jokes at our expense.

I heard a small shriek echo through the house as Alice realized her vision disappeared.

"Way to go, Emmett." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"No problem, Bells!" he said cheerfully. I sighed loudly.

"All right. Thanks to Bella, Alice will not be able to see our decisions. However, she can still hear them." Rosalie said, shooting me a sympathetic glance. I just waved my hand in dismissal, leaning back against the pillows, giving them the okay to start without me. Edward reached over and stroked my hair softly, while listening to Rosalie and Emmett's suggestions in his head. I stared at the ceiling, tuning them out. I felt the urge to yawn suddenly, which surprised me. I had slept late again today, but my eyes continued to droop shut. I resisted, forcing them to stay staring at the ceiling. I moved them to Edward instead, admiring the perfect features of his face. He caught me staring and winked. I suppressed a giggle, biting my lip.

A few short minutes passed after that, with Edward rejecting idea after idea, all the while grimacing at the images playing in Alice and Jasper's head.

"Alice is _still _trying to untie Jasper. She's actually considering breaking the chair." Edward said thoughtfully, and my eyes widened when I realized what Esme would do if she did.

Edward nodded at Rosalie, and I guessed she was thinking the same thing.

"All right. Emmett, Rosalie, you can go try to reign Alice in. Bella and I will go get the supplies."

"Try not to break the rest of the house while we're gone!" Emmett said, with Rosalie dragging him out of the room.

We sighed in unison. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, standing up and looking at Edward questioningly.

"What supplies?" I asked.

"Various things. Duct tape, that pair of handcuffs, and we may even need to dig up that paint gun again…" he said, and continued to name off various things that were not adding up in my mind.

Never the less, I smiled, wondering what my husband could possibly have in store for my poor siblings.

**For those of you that didn't quite understand, Bella was just beginning to have symptoms of her pregnancy, that's why she got dizzy and the sickness didn't pass when she left the room in the last chapter. I'm trying to stick to the Breaking Dawn plot line as much as possible. To my wonderful reviewer, Lily Anne Rose-I was definitely going to give you credit for your idea, but when I remembered it I had already posted the next chapter. :( But not to worry, I'll have Edward make you whatever dessert you want. Just for future reference, if you don't prefer cookies. So for the record, yes, the idea for the punishment in the last chapter goes to you. And also the idea for calling the wolves, thanks so much for the help! I hope in time you will forgive me. :) **

**-TeamEdward14 **


	8. I need that key

**As always, thanks for the lovely reviews! Also, I just posted a new story, so if you would like to read it, you know where to look. And as I have no idea what I'm about to write, all I can say is to enjoy this next chapter!**

EPOV

I made a mental list of everything we would need, playing it back to Bella for her convenience. I could tell that she didn't understand why on earth we would need all these things at the same time, but she listened patiently anyway. I stood up, taking her warm hand in mine.

"How are Emmett and Rosalie doing?" she asked curiously, her gorgeous brown eyes peering up at me.

I tilted my head and smiled, extending my mind to welcome the rush of voices that constantly pounded through my head.

_I swear, if Alice gets one SINGLE piece of that vile human food in my hair, I will rip her to shreds!_

_Rose is sexy when she's mad. Then again, she's sexy all the time…maybe I can take up that offer of hers soon…_ I rolled my eyes at that one.

_Sorry, man. Alice is on a rampage, and she's getting to me. However, this _might_ be hilarious. So no, I'm not really sorry anymore._

_I know you're listening, Edward. If you don't surrender, I'm going to have to kidnap Bella. And that will NOT be pretty. Well, for you. For her, I just bought these six inch stilettos, which will go nicely with that baby blue dress…if she doesn't end up in a cast._

I growled ferociously at that one, with a tinge of shock. Jasper was right, Alice must _really_ be mad for her to threaten to actually hurt Bella. A red haze drifted over my vision, and a protective instinct welled up inside me. I clutched Bella's warm body to me, wishing I could secure her to me permanently. I'd like to see her _try_ to lay a hand on my Bella.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Bella's anxious voice brought me back to the present, and I looked down at the angel in my arms. Her hands were on my chest, just below my collarbone. Warmth radiated from her touch, and I relaxed, taking a deep breath. But still her tense eyes stared up at me. I sighed.

"Do you _really_ want to know what they were thinking?" I asked, frivolously hoping she would say no.

"Yes."

"Of course you do." I muttered. "Rosalie was murderous at Alice for trying to get food in her hair, Emmett's thoughts were….crude," I continued, and we both made a face. "Jasper is letting Alice's rampage get to him, and Alice…" I trailed off on the last one, swallowing the venom that pooled in my mouth.

"Alice…?" she trailed off questioningly.

"Alice was threatening that if I don't surrender, she'll try to kidnap you, and play Bella Barbie."

"So? I've played Bella Barbie hundreds of times." She said, frowning.

"Not with six inch stilettos, a dress, and…" I said, not wanting to reveal the last part.

"_Six?_" she asked, shock written plain on her face. She shook her head and recovered. "What else?" She sensed my reluctance, and I knew I wasn't getting out of this one by the determination in her voice. "Just tell me, Edward."

I felt sick just saying it, but I could not deny her anything, as usual. "She said you might end up in a cast." I said, flinching at the thought. Her eyebrows pushed together, and she bit her lip.

"Don't worry. I won't let that happen." I said, trying to convey as much sincerity as I could through my eyes. I pulled her chin up gently, so I could see her gorgeous face. "I promise." She relaxed slightly, her hands moved up to my shoulders and she leaned her head on my chest. I kissed her hair, reveling in her luscious scent. "Although, I may not mind the dress…or the shoes." I teased, laughing. Warm blood stained her cheeks, and she smiled, laughing with me.

_Hurry up, Edward! You'll have time for that LATER. _I sighed at Rosalie's thoughts. My siblings could be such a nuisance.

"I guess we should go get the supplies now." I said reluctantly, my voice flat, but made no move toward either door.

"Mmmmm." she murmured, closing her eyes. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and her breathing became deeper than before. I chuckled.

"Bella, you can't _possibly_ be tired." I said, looking down at her in light humor.

"Well, I am." She mumbled, barely coherent. She pulled herself up higher, so she could wrap her arms further around my neck. "Carry me." She muttered quietly.

I laughed, the sound sending deep vibrations through my chest. "I'd never thought I'd hear you say that." She smiled, her eyes still closed. I wasted no time, scooping her up immediately, and her warm body sent shivers down my spine as I cradled her to my chest. I took a couple steps out the door of our bedroom, my vampire brain calculating quickly. I could get everything we needed in one trip…if I didn't want to leave Bella alone, even for a millisecond. I could ask Rosalie or Emmett to keep watch, but they seem to be preoccupied, and they'd probably just call me overprotective anyway. I scoffed mentally. They had no idea how much of a danger magnet my wife was. Bella shifted in my arms, and I laid her down on the couch in front of the enormous flat screen in the living room, hoping she would be more comfortable. She opened her eyes and frowned.

"What did you do that for?" she asked, and I noticed a hint of irritation.

I couldn't help but smile. "I just wanted you to be more comfortable." I said innocently.

"Well, get back here." She said, smiling. "I'm not done with you yet." I laughed, and kneeled on the floor next to her. "Your wish, my command." She smiled and leaned in closer, placing a warm hand on the back of my neck. I shuddered, and if my heart could beat I knew it would have shattered by now. I could hear her own heart increasing in tempo, and she closed the distance between our lips quickly. I almost gasped at the touch, her soft, warm lips instantaneously sending electric currents down my spine. I gripped the couch cushions in front of me tightly, ignoring its protests. I resisted the familiar urge to crush her to me, to wrap my arms around her and embrace her like I should be able to—like I would-if I were human. I allowed myself one satisfaction, and my hands moved to her waist as if they acted of their own accord. I deepened the kiss, moving her lips urgently against mine, electric shocks running through my veins all the while.

It was like lightning was pulsing through my fingertips, conserving all my energy for these moments with Bella. I was even more dangerous than usual. She pulled away, gasping for breath, but my lips never left her skin, trailing kisses down to the soft, silky skin at the hollow of her throat. I inhaled her delicious scent, ignoring the burning of my throat that never ceased. I moved up to kiss along the edge of her jaw hungrily. To me it felt like a feather light touch, but I knew that with just a fraction more of pressure, I could easily crush her like a twig. It was something I had become accustomed to, something that had been easier to control over the past few days. I smiled against her skin. "What?" she asked, breathing heavily. I cut her off with another passion filled kiss, to wish she gladly obliged, tangling her hands in my already messy bronze hair. It felt unbelievably good to let go, no more boundaries, no more restraint.

_Holy crap Edward, tone it DOWN! And be grateful I warned you, I sent Emmett to get the supplies, since you were too _busy_._ I could practically see her sneering._ Meet us outside. _Rosalie sighed mentally, and her thoughts took an amused tone. _I hope you didn't break anything this time._

I scowled, pulling away reluctantly, but refusing to release my grip from Bella's waist, standing up and pulling her close. I looked down at the couch cushions, eyeing the ripped fabric. Whoops. I hope that wasn't becoming a habit. I truly had forgotten there was anyone around, and I'm positive Bella had too. "Oops." She said, still breathless. "Where to now?" she asked. I was impressed, she caught on quickly. "Or, you know, we could ditch…" she said, trailing off suggestively.

"Tempting." I said longingly. "But no, Rosalie would go after us. Or worse," I shuddered, "Emmett." I sighed, still bitter about being interrupted, and pulled her onto my back. She smiled at the familiar position, planting a kiss on my neck. She smirked, and I growled playfully.

She frowned. "No fair. You know I love it when you do that." She mumbled the second part, burying her face in my neck.

I laughed. "We're even." I said, and whisked out the door, into the white hot sun. I took my place next to Rosalie, who was facing Alice and, not to my surprise, Jasper, whose hands were still cuffed. He must have gotten frustrated and broke the chair. Esme will be mad. I pulled Bella off my back, and she clung to me with wide eyes, eyeing Alice's high heeled boots. Alice grinned like a madman, but her voice was sugar sweet. "I have these _amazing_ shoes picked out for you Bella! And you should just _see_ the dress!" she said excitedly.

Bella bit her lip, pressing herself ever closer to me, if possible. Not that I would complain. "Yeah, I heard…" she muttered, her gaze flicking to my face. "It's too bad I'll never get to wear them." Rosalie looked shocked at her brave statement, but I just smiled slightly, and turned to glare murderously at my sister. She smiled sweetly, and laughed as if she'd just heard an amusing joke. "Silly Bella. I've seen it. When I see visions I like, it's hard to let them go, you see. And I will do anything to make them come true." She practically sang. She could be almost as scary as Rosalie, when she wanted to be. Bella narrowed her eyes, but said nothing more.

_Wanna see it, Edward? I'm sure _you _could appreciate it. _I rolled my eyes, trying to appear unaffected. Jasper snickered.

"I need that key, Bella." Alice said pointedly, blinking her eyes innocently. I narrowed my eyes, searching her mind for anything suspicious. _Get out of my head, Edward. _I smirked. Not likely.

"Just let it _go_, Alice. Sheesh, Jasper's hair doesn't even look that good." Rosalie said, planting a hand on her hip, locking one leg out to the side. Ah, crap. "Rosalie…now is _not_ the time to have an attitude." I said, sending her a warning glare.

But the damage was done.

"Excuse me? Do you want to repeat that?" Alice said, her eyes glistening coal black, taking a step closer. "Or maybe a better question iswould you _like _to burn, Rosalie Hale?" she threatened. "Because I can make that happen." _I'd like to see her _try. _Let's face it, pixie, I'm hotter than you anyway. _Rosalie fumed, shooting one of her infamous death glares at Alice.

"Don't say it." I warned, glaring at them both. I didn't want to have to break up a fight, that meant letting go of Bella. Although, that may have been Alice's plan all along.

_Is that a catfight I hear? Wait for me! _I scoffed, and Emmett materialized next to me, grinning, resting an elbow on my shoulder. I could see a flashing red light in a palm tree close to us, which I concluded was the video camera. "I hope I didn't miss the catfight! Whoa…what's up with you, bro?" Emmett said, directing a wary glance toward Jasper.

Jasper's eyes were blank, his gaze flicking between Rose and Alice's murderous glares, Emmett's grinning face, my protective hold on Bella, and my wife, who was peering over at Rosalie and Alice with wide eyes.

_Too…many…emotions… _I snickered. "Payback."

He glared at me, and I glowered back.

"Hey, Bella, we gotta get in on this staring showdown! Why wasn't I invited?" Emmett asked feigning hurt. I heard Bella laugh musically next to me. _Finally, a good emotional climate. _Jasper thought, sending out waves of calm.

Rosalie and Alice relaxed their stance and took a step back, the fire burning out from their eyes. Emmett removed his arm on my shoulder, draping the other around Rosalie's shoulders. I relaxed my hold on Bella, but didn't let go.

"All right, back to business. Last chance, Bella. Are you going to give it to me, or am I going to have to force it from you?"

"Good luck with that." The four of us muffled laughs, Rosalie's being the loudest. Alice narrowed her eyes, confused. "I'm sorry you think that way, Bella." She said, regret pulsing through her tone. "Why _me?_" Bella exclaimed, annoyance radiating from her face.

"Because you can't get away as easily." Alice said, grinning mischievously.

"Well, great. I guess it's pick on the human day, _again._" Bella said sarcastically, frowning. Emmett laughed loudly, sending birds scattering in all directions. "It's always that day, Bella." She grimaced. "Yeah, I figured that out about three hours ago." She said, her bottom lip sticking out. I didn't try to resist, she looked to adorable. I pulled her face to mine and kissed her, making it retreat.

"Cut down on the PDA, bro!" Emmett said, pretending to shield his eyes.

All heads turned in his direction, including Rosalie's.

"That is _the_ most hypocritical thing I've ever heard, Emmett." Jasper said, raising an eyebrow and looking at him as if he had a third eye. Murmurs of agreement ran through the group. "At least I'm not handcuffed." Emmett grumbled, crossing his bulky arms over his chest.

_Yeah, okay, I'll give him that one._ Jasper thought, frowning. I laughed quietly. "Not for long, Jazzy." Alice said, running her hand through his hair sweetly. I heard Rosalie muffle a laugh beside Emmett.

_Good luck finding that key, smurf._

I couldn't help laughing at that one, and eventually Emmett and Bella joined in. I assumed we were all thinking the same thing.

"What?" Alice yelled, glaring at us. "What am I missing?" She demanded. That only made us laugh harder, which in turn made her more furious. "One of you had _better_ tell me what's going on!" she insisted, her enraged eyes growing darker.

"Sorry, sis, no can do." Emmett said between laughs, slinging an arm around Rosalie's waist.

"So help me, Emmett, I'll tell Esme and Carlisle about the time you and Rose got it on in the back of the Mercedes!" Emmett swore loudly, and his eyes flicked to the camera duct taped to the tree above us, almost too fast for me to see.

_Gotcha._ Alice's thoughts were brimmed with satisfaction.

"Don't you dare, Emmett." I said, and his eyes flicked between Alice and me, apparently trying to decide who he feared the most.

_Ah, crap. _

"Well, you asked for it. Speaking of which, I still haven't forgiving you for being here in the first place." I said, glaring. "Unfortunately, I promised Rosalie I wouldn't kill you…yet." I couldn't resist adding the last part.

I winked at Bella, and she giggled.

"So what's it going to be, Emmett? The unmistakable, infamous, gut wrenching, tear jerking, horror that IS Alice Cullen's wrath," she paused for dramatic effect. "Or Eddie boy over there?" She finished lamely, waving her hand in dismissal. I growled at the detested nickname, my eyes prickling as they grew darker. I looked over at Emmett and grinned, shooting as much venom as I could through my eyes.

_Ugh, creepy. _"What, you think I can't take on my little brother and sister?" He scoffed.

"Emmett, I'm older than you." I reminded him.

"I have more muscle _and_ masculinity than you. Therefore, _I_ am the big brother." I rolled my eyes and bared my teeth at him.

"Oh, calm down. Just because I lost my virginity eighty years ago and you lost yours a week ago, doesn't mean you have to get jealous." Emmett said in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone. "Although, I hear you're pretty feisty in the bedroom. I saw what you did to the couch. 100 years does it to you, I suppose. I wouldn't know." Rosalie burst out into fits of tinkling laughter, and Alice and Jasper followed soon after.

Bella groaned, leaning her head on my chest. I sighed, stroking her hair.

"Keep it up, and there might not be any furniture left by the end of the week! Tsk, tsk, Edward. Control yourself!" Emmett said, putting his hands on his hips firmly, copying Esme the last time Emmett and I broke the coffee table wrestling.

"What will it take for you to _shut up_, Emmett?" Bella asked, glowering at him.

"Beat me in an arm wrestling match." Emmett laughed. Bella scowled, frowning. I smoothed out the crease between her eyebrows with my thumb, and she relaxed under my touch. I pushed her hair behind her ear fondly, smiling down at her. There was no one else but us two again. "AHEM, earth to Edward!" Rosalie called out from behind us. I sighed, and turned to face them, still clutching Bella as close to me as possible.

"As I was saying," Alice started pointedly, drawing our attention to her once again. "What'll it be, Bella?" Alice said, daring her to refuse. Bella looked up at me, fear swirling faintly in her deep chocolate brown eyes. I tightened my arms around her, silently reminding her that no one would touch her as long as she was in my arms.

"Sorry, Alice." She said, shrugging.

"It's _my_ husband!"

"It's _my _honeymoon!" she yelled back, glaring at her furiously. The corners of my mouth twitched upward when she said that. Alice narrowed her eyes menacingly. "I don't have anything against you _yet,_ Bella. But Edward ruined Jasper's hair, so now its war. And since you refuse to give me the key, I have to result to other methods."

"For the last time, Alice, that wasn't me!" I growled.

"Sure." She said sarcastically. Jasper fought back a smile. _I was so right. This is hilarious. _I bared my teeth at him. I knew there was a reason he was staying silent.

"I'm the mind reader, remember? And I was _there._"

"Whatever, I'd still believe Jazzy over you." I scowled, frustrated. "You may as well give up," I warned. "There are four of us and two of you. Besides, I could beat you in a fight any day." I said furiously. Jasper glowered at me. I ignored him.

I heard a small _beep_ from somewhere near Emmett, but ignored it; too busy staring Alice and Jasper down to do anything about it. I heard the sound of a small object rushing through the air, and the three of us simultaneously turned toward the sound, confused. A bright purple paintball whizzed through the air at Alice, and she shrieked, barely avoiding it in time. More followed, and I realize it was coming from the camera. I turned toward Emmett questioningly.

_Jasper's not the only one who can improvise._

I laughed, and a pink paintball hit Jasper in the middle of his chest. Alice took Jasper's arm and ran, but the unnaturally fast paintballs kept coming. I took advantage of their distraction, slinging Bella onto my back and bolting for the trees to the left, the wind whipping past my face. I heard Rosalie and Emmett following behind, laughing loudly, the camera in hand.

I ran past the house, into the thick vegetation of the island, heading toward the small clearing on the edge of a cliff, where Bella and I had watched the sunset a few days before. I pushed my speed to the limit, eager to get Bella as far away from Alice as I could. Vines, leaves, and branches whipped past, but to me it felt like a caressing breeze. As we entered the small clearing, the hot sun met my skin, sending diamonds in all directions.

I put Bella down, and waited a few seconds for Emmett and Rosalie to catch up. They entered the clearing and Emmett pretended to shield his eyes again.

"Sheesh, Edward. Put a shirt on already." I laughed.

"You don't have to get jealous, Emmett." I said, imitating his tone from before. Bella's melodious laugh sounded next to me, and Emmett just scoffed.

"Once again, Eddie, _you_ are the one that should be jealous of _me._ Did you _see_ Alice's face when the camera started shooting paintballs at her? Priceless!" He slapped Rosalie a high five, and eventually we all broke down into laughter.

After we had all calmed down, (which took quite a while) Rosalie spoke. "So," she started, authority ringing from her tone. "We need a game plan. We could adopt the plan Bella came up with last time she was being chased by a sadistic vampire…but we'd have to switch it up a bit." Rosalie said, tilting her head thoughtfully. Emmett walked over to the ledge, and continued pelting paintballs at Alice and Jasper to keep them distracted.

I said nothing, just pulled Bella closer protectively.

"What are you implying?" I stated suspiciously, never taking my gaze off of Rosalie.

_Well, if you leave Bella with me or Emmett—_

"No." I growled ferociously. "Bella does _not_ leave my side." I said, daring her to protest.

"Let me finish." She warned, her voice tense.

_IF you leave Bella with me or Emmett, most likely me, then you two could go chase them down. It would buy us more time, and Bella wouldn't be in danger. You'd be in hearing distance, so knowing where we are at all times wouldn't be a problem. _

I shook my head, but she could see that the logic was getting to me.

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to." She said, imitating Bella's words from before. I shuddered, and through her eyes I could see the internal battle raging inside of me. "What is it?" Bella asked, reaching up to touch my face. I sighed, and Rosalie explained it to her. She frowned and bit her lip, looking up at me, wearing a torn expression. "Relax. It'll be different this time." Rosalie said, pleased with herself. "This is…weird. I mean, Alice is no…James." Bella said, wincing. I growled at the name. Rosalie laughed humorlessly. "I guess you just haven't been around long enough to witness one of Alice's stampedes." She said, shrugging. On one hand, I didn't want Bella anywhere near Alice. But on the other, she'd probably be farther away from her if we split up. I frowned, not liking either result.

"SCORE!" Emmett yelled behind us, punching his fist in the air. "Emmett for the win!" we all turned toward him, confused. "I got the pixie." He said, grinning. This sent everyone into another round of laughter, Emmett's ridiculously happy face replaying over and over in my mind.

_Perfect. He'll never see this coming._

He didn't wait for the laughter to die down, launching a few paintballs my way. I avoided them easily, moving a few inches to the right to let the harmless objects fly by. They splattered against a tree, leaving neon colored marks. I smirked.

"You'll never catch me by surprise Emmett. Hasn't happened yet, and it never will."

"Kill joy!" He coughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"So what do you think?" Rosalie asked, ignoring us. Bella fidgeted next to me, wearing an indecisive expression. "Alice will expect you to be with Edward. And it's not the same; he'll be a short distance away." She sighed, and I could see it made sense to her…in theory. But the more sense it made, the more I didn't like it.

"Don't we have another option?" I asked, searching futilely for another solution.

_A few, but none are as good as this one._

I continued to stare at her, waiting for her to go on. She sighed.

_All right, fine. We could ambush as a group, but you'd probably go all OCD about Bella. Sheesh, Edward, you need to stop being so overprotective. _I just shot her a warning glare and shook my head. How little she knew. _There really isn't anything good that doesn't involve splitting up. Alice knows you won't leave Bella. It's the only way, Edward._

"I hate silent conversations. Let's get some action! We don't have much time, I just ran out of paintballs. It's too bad I couldn't bring a legit gun." Emmett said, voicing his opinion loudly, as usual.

"It's too bad you had to come at all." I muttered bitterly.

"_Anyway."_ Rosalie started, clearing her throat pointedly. "It's the only way." She tilted her head slightly, listening. "You have 60 seconds to decide, tops." _Alice will be furious, Edward. It's best to keep Bella out of range._

I glared toward the left, where light, airy footsteps sounded across the jungle floor. Sighing, my arms relaxed around Bella. I had to make myself give in, and I knew it. I closed my eyes briefly, recalling every single moment between Bella and I on the island. If I wanted this to end quickly, I had to let Bella go with Rosalie. I opened my eyes to see her looking up at me, the same emotion written across her face. I didn't have to read her mind to know she thought the same thing.

"All right." I said quietly, turning towards Rosalie. The weight of my words hung in the air.

"Good. Bella, come with me, and hurry. They'll be here sooner than I thought."

I looked at Bella frantically, memorizing every single aspect of her face. A million emotions swirled in my head, all of them related to fear. When she was away, it felt like some part of me went with her. I could never be absolutely sure she was safe if I didn't see her with my own eyes, feel her in my arms, smell her pure scent…

She opened her mouth to speak, but I didn't give her the chance. I didn't want to say goodbye. I pulled her lips to mine, relaxing at her touch. This felt all too familiar. I refused to let this be a goodbye kiss, but instead forced myself to be less frantic; moving her lips softly with mine. It felt like a thousand shards of glass pierced my heart to have to pull away, but I managed. I rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes.

"I'll come back for you. I promise." I said solemnly, but half-smiled, looking forward to the end. Determination radiated through my voice.

"I love you." She said, forcing as much emotion as possible into those three words.

"I love you more." I said, igniting a familiar argument.

She opened her mouth to protest, but Rosalie pulled lightly on her arm. "Time to go, Bella." She shot me one last glance, and allowed Rosalie to pull her onto her back.

"Rosalie, if she you return her to me with one _single_ scratch—"

"Relax, Edward." She said, shooting me a what-do-you-take-me-for look, and then disappeared with my wife. Emmett came up behind me, clapping me on the back.

"Come on, bro. Let's go chase down Alice." I sighed, and stepped forward to wait for my revenge-seeking sister.

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